I’ve been married to my Japanese wife for over 7 years now, and I’ll going to be flat out honest with you other white guys when I say that it hasn’t been what I expected it to be. Maybe it’s because I grew up deep in the heart of the Midwestern US about as far from Asian culture as one could possibly get, but for some reason or another I thought that living with a Japanese woman would be amazingly simple and calm experience. Almost zen-like. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Don’t misunderstand me. I love my wife very much, and I would do nearly anything for her. But the idea that Japanese women (or any Asian woman for that matter) are more feminine and respectful of men is a flat out lie. In the 7 years I’ve been married to her, each passing year brings a deeper and much more asserted understanding that women are women – no matter where on earth they come from. They are all emotional, illogical, tempered, and confusing. There. I said it. Men have their bad traits too, and that’s not the point of this article (so I’m not going to get into it), but quite frankly, Asian women are no easier to live with than women from any other race.
As a matter of fact, I’d like to go down on record as saying that it can be even MORE difficult at times to live with an Asian woman. At least Japanese woman, which is where all of my experience is focused around.
Here is my advice for living with a Japanese woman:
1). Do what she tells you, or your life will be a living hell.
Since women are women no matter where they come from, you can expect a Japanese woman to carry (and sling) the same emotional baggage similar to most other women. Girls are just emotional creatures. BUT…the plot thickens with a Japanese woman, because she will be even more easily frustrated with you because of your crude western ways. Don’t kick things with your feet. Don’t say “no” too aggressively. She’ll tell you to fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the laundry basket. She’ll tell you all these things, and she’ll get emotional and combative about it when you tell her it’s hard to change because it goes against your western culture.
2). Learn to be neat and organized.
If you’re a naturally sloppy kind of guy, this one is gonna be tough, I know. Japanese culture is all about cleanliness and order. Your dirty feet, that pile of dirty clothes in the corner…these are the enemy to Japanese women, and she will nag you relentlessly to change your ways. Trust me – life becomes a lot simpler when you stop resisting and clean up after yourself.
3). Be prepared to defend western culture (and then realize how silly it is in the process).
As an American, I’m fully aware of how messed up our culture – and the government – can be at times. Unfortunately, as an outsider, my wife is even more baffled by it than I am and she loves to complain about the ways of the US and our view of the world. While I fully agree with her points most of the time, she lacks the perspective of being born and raised here and not seeing things from my point of view. This usually results in me inadvertently trying to justify the actions of the US government (which is silly) and this just adds fuel to her fire. More often than not these discussions end abruptly as I give up and walk out of the room in frustration.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time with the knowledge and understanding I have now, before we got married. I probably had set my expectations too high for marrying a Japanese woman, and I wasn’t mature enough to realize that it wasn’t going to be any better or worse than marrying a woman from another culture.
I do love her greatly though, and the past 7 years have been more good than bad. I don’t regret my decision at all. It’s been a fun challenge to say the least!