Asian dating vs. western dating

By Doug •  4 min read

As a white guy who’s dated his fair share of white (western) and Asian women, I’m fairly confident when I say that Asian dating isn’t all that different than western dating. For some odd reason, I’ve run into a lot of caucasian people who think that Asian culture is something from another universe, and it’s difficult for them to comprehend how I could stand the differences due to the cultures being so different.

On one hand, it is true. Most Asian cultures are completely different than the US way of thinking that is burned deep into my brain, and it has been difficult at times to be with a Asian woman who doesn’t fully understand my point of view. And yes, that goes both ways. I’ve been accused many times of not fully appreciating the point of view of the Asian woman I am with. The struggle is indeed real and both the man and woman needs to make an honest effort to keep the other happy.

However, cultural differences aside, we humans are all the same. Asian dating for me is not any different than dating a caucasian woman when it comes right down to it. Everyone has the same emotions and needs in life. We all need food and shelter. We all want to feel loved. Most of us have compassion for others, and a drive to succeed. Women are woman and men are men. It’s really that simple.

However, for those of you out there who are curious about dating outside of your own race and want to know the drill before you jump in with both feet, let me point out a few of the biggest differences between dating Asian woman vs. caucasian (besides the fact that Asian women kiss differently than western women):

Asian dating is more calm

Let’s face it. We Americans, on the whole, are loud and brash. We say what we feel, are not afraid to be loud, and don’t always appreciate other’s feelings as much as we should. It’s not like we are trying to be rough around the edges – it’s just the way we are and we all tend to accept it as normal. This doesn’t fly in most Asian cultures – especially in South Korea and Japan. As a western person dating someone from Asia, you need to be cognizant of the fact that their culture is generally a lot calmer and quieter than ours is, and blurting out things before thinking about it will get you in trouble. Fast.

Asian dating will make you a better person

This is actually a continuation of the point above, but it’s important enough to be it’s own thing. Yes, it is true that dating an Asian will make you a better person. You will learn to be more calm, learn to appreciate the feeling of others better, and you will start seeing the world through their eyes. For the record, I love the US. It’s my home. My country. I wouldn’t change my culture if I could. That being said, dating women from Asia has shown me how much of an asshole I really am at times. I don’t mean to say things so harshly – it’s my culture, and being called out on it from someone from a completely different culture has helped me to grow as a person.

Asian dating will test your patience

I’ve just pointed out how dating someone from Asia will make you a calmer, better person. But it doesn’t happen overnight, and you will get annoyed by someone pointing out your bad points from time to time. It’s natural to feel defensive when being called out like that, so don’t worry if you feel your blood boiling when he or she tells you that what you’ve said offended them when you honestly didn’t mean anything bad by it. Just remember – if you love this person enough, making the effort to appreciate their culture is the key to a long and happy relationship.


Doug is just an ordinary white guy living in the midwestern United States. He's been married to an amazing Japanese woman since 2010, and has created to share his experiences with international dating and marriage (the good and the bad),