Author Archives: Doug

meet asian women in cities outside of asia

The top five non-Asian cities for white men to meet Asian women

I’ve been traveling all over the world for 20 years now, and I’ve seen quite a bit. From Asia to Europe to North America South America and everything in between, I think I’ve got a pretty good sense of what this world is like and what’s happening where. Now, I’m not saying that I am an expert in all things related to geography and the cultures of the world, but I have been around and I’d like to think that I’ve learned a thing or two from my extensive travels.

One the questions I get asked the most as a blogger who writes about relationships between white men and Asian women is:

What are the best cities in the world for white men to meet Asian women without going to Asia?

Well, I’ve got good news for you – I can think of several right off the top of my head that might surprise you, which I know for a fact is what all of you white men out there looking for a relationship with an Asian woman (and Asian women who are looking for a relationship with a white man) want to hear. It’s not always necessary to start your search in Asia!

The top five cities (not in Asia) for white men to meet Asian women

1. San Francisco

OK, I’ll totally admit that this was the obvious first choice, but it’s the first choice for a reason! The Asian population in San Francisco is the most dense in the US, and therefore it’s the place to be in the United States if you are a white man looking to meet an Asian woman without going online. Take a walk down any major street in the city of San Francisco, and if you were dropped there blindfolded without having any idea where you were at, chances are pretty good that you would guess “Asia”.

Not only does the city of San Francisco have one of the highest Asian populations in United States, it’s also one of the top destinations in the US for Asian tourists. Therefore, whereever you go in the city, you will see in nearly 1:1 ratio of Asian to Caucasian people. If you’re a white guy in the US who’s having it difficult to find a time or resources to go to Asia, San Francisco is your best bet by far.

2. Vancouver Canada

Now, I’ll fully admit that this one shocked me as well. I’ve always known that Canada as a whole is very popular with Asians (both as a place to live as well as a place to visit), mostly due to how easy it is to enter Canada compared to the United States. Asians looking for a North American experience find it much easier to enter Canada than they do to enter the US, so it’s no surprise that any major city in Canada is popular with Asian people.

However, thanks to being situated right along the West Coast, Vancouver is simply on another level. In a recent visit, I couldn’t believe the number of Asian people from all regions that I saw (Korea, Japan, China, Thailand, Philippines, etc.) – San Francisco is the only other city in the world I found that rivals Vancouver in terms of beautiful Asian women walking the streets and I’d recommend it to any white guy anywhere in the world.

3. Reykjavik, Iceland

Yup, I can totally hear you slapping your forehead in amazement, and I don’t blame you. You weren’t expecting Reykjavik as being a place to find beautiful Asian women walking the streets, were you? Now, I do need to clarify that “walking the streets” does not mean that there are Asian prostitutes on every street corner. What I mean is that Iceland is a very popular tourist destination for Asians, and you might be amazed with the density of Asian population here at any given time.

It was hard to put my finger on what Asian countries were the most represented in Reykjavik, but based on my brief experience there I would have to say that it was mostly Asians from Northern countries such as Japan and Korea. I guess it kind of makes sense because I can’t imagine people from southern Asian countries such as Thailand and Singapore wanting to visit a cold place. I’m sure it happens, but it’s probably not all that common.

4. London England

I’m not totally sure what it is about London that attracts Asian people so much, but every time I go there I’m just amazed at the number of Asian tourists I see up and down every street. I’ve also been told by some of my Asian women friends in the past that most Asian women find Harry Potter extremely attractive and that’s part of the lure of England.

London also happens to be the place where most Asians think of when want to experience a place where English is the primary language. At least that’s what I’ve been told. Of course I can be totally way off on that comment, but it seems to be something I’ve heard over and over again and I guess I’m believing it to be true. So – for all of you white guys in Europe looking for the highest population of Asian women closest to you, it’s definitely London.

5. Toronto Canada

Everything that I said about Vancouver just a few paragraphs above is the same for Toronto. As a whole, Canada seems to be the place where most Asians tend to end up in North America, and I’ve been told by several guys in Toronto that it’s a hotbed of activity and they have no problem meeting Asian women they’re attracted to.

As a fun experiment, next time you’re talking to an Asian woman, ask her about the last time that she has been in Toronto. Chances are really good that she’s been there before, and I’ve only met but a few Asian women who have never been to the place at all.

Final things to keep in mind about meeting Asian women in countries all over the world

I still fully believe that if you’re a white man looking to meet an Asian woman, your best bet is to go to Asia in the first place. Yes, it’s totally possible to meet Asian women (tourists and locals) in other parts of the world, but your chances will be much higher simply due to how to dense most of Asia is. And considering the fact that most all women there are Asian, well, it doesn’t take a rocket science to figure out that Asia is the place to be if you are a white guy with a preference for Asian women.

On the flipside, think how much of a good impression you can make on an Asian woman who is visiting a country for the first time and is looking for help from locals (like you) to learn the place and figure out what to see and do. Make an effort to be involved in activities which helps tourists such as these (as a tour guide or a participant in some other type of tourist business catering to Asians) and it won’t be long until you’ll be making new friends.

instagram direct messages from Asian women

How to get a steady stream of Instagram DM’s from Asian women

I’ve been around long enough to remember when the internet was brand new, and if there’s one thing that I’ve learned over the years, it’s the fact that apps and products come and go. What’s popular and trendy today likely won’t be 5 years from now, so it’s important to be able to adapt to the changes. It’s also important to exploit them for all their worth while things are hot!

Remember MySpace? It’s been dead for a long time, but back in the day, that’s where everybody was hanging out. You were a nobody if you didn’t have your own page covered in animations and multiple streams of music all auto-playing at once, you didn’t exist. And even though it’s no longer around here in 2018, it was totally worth the effort and time if you were single and looking to mingle.

Snapchat is going through that same sort of transformation right now. It used to be THE place for guys to meet women in their local area, but it’s been dying a slow death for the past few years now thanks to Instagram. It doesn’t mean that all the time you spent trying to build up your profile was wasted though – hopefully you got a lot out of it while it was hot and you haven’t become so attached to it that it feels impossible to leave.

My current favorite app at the moment is Instagram. I’ve already talked about how easy it is for white guys to meet Asian women there, and it just seems to be getting better year after year. The popularity of Instagram in Asia has grown immensely in the past few years, and if you’re a single white guy who’s looking for love in Asia, it’s where you need to be right now (other than Japan Cupid and Korean Cupid of course).

One of the best features of Instagram is the ability to direct message (DM) other members. And because Instagram isn’t marketed as a dating app, these private conversations are what you need to focus on if you are looking to find the woman of your dreams.

However, it’s a very easy feature to be abused, so you have to be very careful about how you approach women so that you don’t find yourself getting blocked by them or banned from Instagram altogether. The best way to tread lightly is to have them reach out to YOU instead of the other way around. The best thing about this is that it’s actually a lot easier than it sounds, assuming you have a bit of both preserverence and patience.

The six step method to get a constant stream of DM’s from Asian women:

  1. Find a girl you like and start out by occasionally (once every 2 weeks) commenting on her public photos or stories. It’s very important not to make the comment aggressive in any way! Comment about something specific in the photo and NOT about her and how you want to run away with her and make babies. Ha! If she responds, great, but if not – that’s ok too. The important thing here is that you are just making yourself known.
  2. Keep doing this for as long as it takes for her to start responding to you. Remember, commenting on every one of her posts is considered aggressive, and she’s likely to ignore you forever if you come across as being clingy and desperate.
  3. If you’ve been doing this for three months and she’s still not responding, move on. She’s clearly not interested in you, and there’s plenty of other fish in the sea.
  4. However, if she is responding, it’s time to start creating posts that will attract her attention. By now you should have a pretty good idea what she’s interested in and what it is that makes her talk, so focus on posting that kind of content. Occasionally (like once every 6 weeks) tag her in a post.
  5. Rinse and repeat. Keep in mind that pretty much every woman on Instagram is inundated with guys hitting on them every day, so your goal is to establish yourself as “safe” – someone she knows isn’t going to annoy her with cheesy flirting. Once she becomes familiar (and comfortable) with you, she’s likely to be willing to start talking.
  6. Once she’s been publicly responding to you for a while (liking your posts, replying to your comments, etc) start a DM conversation with her by asking a specific question – asking for help with the language she speaks usually works well. She’s likely to respond enthusiastically at that point, and that should be your way in to an extended conversation.

In summary, this probably seems like a lot of time and effort involved to get those steady stream of DMs coming in. And it is. But remember – you should be doing this with many women at once so things will happen a lot faster than you think. Some women won’t be very responsive at all, but others will and it’s going to balance out nicely.

Figure about six months to get to the point where you’re waking up to an inbox full of DMs from Asia every morning. Maybe a little longer if you’re a bit shy and more passive, and shorter if you’re smooth as ice and charming as hell.

Good luck out there!

white guy begging for asian girlfriend

5 easy ways to make that cute Asian girl like you

Okay, I fully admit that the premise of this article is stupid, and because of that, there is something I need to say before I go any further: I’ve been on this planet for 43 years now, and if there’s anything that I’ve learned along the way, it’s that you simply cannot force somebody like you. Other people will simply like you or they will not – there’s very little that you can do to change someone’s mind and their perception of who you are as a person. So don’t get your hopes up that what I’m about to tell you is the magic cure-all for your dating problems.

However, there are ways you can improve your chances to get closer to that cute Asian girl of your dreams. These tips and tricks are not about changing her mind, but are more geared toward changing your own personality and mannerisms to better match that of the Asian girl mindset. Ready to begin? Let’s go!

Stop being so loud and aggressive

If you are attracted to a woman from Japan or Korea, this is especially important. Japanese and Korean culture is based on honor and respect for others, which unfortunately, is a hard thing for us Western men to grasp sometimes. There is good in all of us and it may seem like it would be easy to be more compassionate and understanding when talking with women from this part of Asia, but our natural instincts to be bold and assertive sometimes shine through it the most inappropriate of moments. In other words, don’t high-five her mother the first time you meet her. Being calm, cool, and quiet is the fastest way to get the attention of an Asian woman.

Respect your family

This might seem like a somewhat odd dating tip, but family relationships are extremely important in Asian culture. If you hate your family with passion and can’t take the time to visit and do things for them even though you only live 10 miles away, it’s going to be quite detrimental to your chances of winning the heart of your Asian crash.

Start listening to music from her own country

Wanna to blow her mind? Get to know and listen to music from her homeland. This one isn’t so easy, I admit, because it was personally very difficult for me to get into J Pop or K Pop when I was dating Japanese and Korean women. That stuff is weird – and there were only a few bands that I could ever find that I somewhat liked, but mentioning a popular band from thier country was the perfect way to get to know someone I was attracted to. This really works – try it yourself, and watch her eyes bulge out of her head with amazement.

Carry a man bag

This is another tip that’s gonna be tough for all you Midwestern farm boys out there who think “dressing up” is a pair of crocodile-skinned cowboy boots and a button up flannel shirt. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that – you have to be true to your roots and be yourself, but most Asian women aren’t going to find that very attractive. Want to know what’s in style all across Asia? Think business casual. Unfortunately, business casual also means man bags. Nearly every Asian woman that I dated gave me a gift of a man bag at one point or another, and all I could do was smile and thank them for their generosity when all I wanted to do was throw it in the nearest dumpster. I was one of those Midwestern farm boys at one time, so going out in public with a man bag over my shoulder took some time to get used to.

Talk about food

One of the most interesting things to me about dating Asian women is the fact that discussion always seemed to revolve around food. Compared to Western women, Asian women have a passion for food that I have not seen anywhere else in the world. This is easily found by browsing profiles of nearly any Asian girl on Instagram. You will quickly see that a majority of the posts are pictures of food, and more specifically, desserts. If you can talk about food with passion and a slight bit of knowledge (it doesn’t need to be much) you’re in. I’ve never met an Asian girl who didn’t like talking about food.

In conclusion, you are never going to be able to make someone really like you when they really don’t, and if by chance you get lucky to get her to go out of date with you after years of begging and pleading, you have to ask yourself if it’s a relationship you really want to be in anyway. Why chase after somebody who doesn’t want you? Trust me – I dated women from Asia for many years before I got married, and every time I had to chase ended up being a complete waste of time for both of us. But I eventually learned how to change my own mindset to be more mentally attractive to these women and I had better luck once I started applying some of the principles I talked about above.

Take your time with this. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and it takes time to find the perfect balance of changing your mindset without changing who you are, while at the same time attracting more women. Good luck!

social media hashtags

Pros and cons of using Twitter to meet Asian women

I wasn’t really planning on talking about a lot about the ways white men and Asian women meet on social media, but let’s face it – there are very few people left in this world who aren’t on some sort of social media platform, and if you’re one of them, you are really missing out. You can’t resist social media if you are single and looking to meet the person of your dreams. Sorry. That’s just the way it is these days.

So what is the best social media platform for white guys to meet Asian girls (and vise versa)? I’ve already written extensively about the power of using Instagram for dating, and I deem that to be the holy grail for singles looking to mingle.

But what about twitter? Twitter is really nice in the sense that it’s perfect for those short on time and prefer to interact with others in short to-the-point bursts. Unlike Instagram, you don’t have to have nice photos to create an interesting feed of content – just start talking, say whatever it is you want to say in 140 characters or less, and you’re done. For some, that simplicity makes it the perfect communication tool.

But how easy is it for white guys to meet Asian women on this platform? At the time of this writing (June 2017), there are an estimated 328 million active users on twitter. Chances are pretty good that many of them are single and looking to mingle. You just have to find them.

Let’s look at the pros and cons of using Twitter to meet Asian women

Pros:

  • As I just mentioned above, the user base is huge. 328 million active users, and it’s growing every day.
  • Twitter doesn’t require as much time as Instagram (in general). You’ve got only 140 characters to say something, so there’s no need to write paragraphs of text to get the attention of someone.
  • 140 characters of cleverly written text will get someones attention more than a full paragraph would anyway – so embrace this limitation!
  • It’s easy to find Asian women to mingle with. Twitter is very popular in Asia, and since it’s a global platform, many of them speak English. Just know that you’ll do better if you speak their language though. Make the effort!
  • If you find someone interesting who doesn’t seem to be interested in you. It’s ok. Move on. There is an unending supply of people to meet on Twitter.

Cons:

  • Twitter is not (at it’s core) a visual platform. That tends to make things difficult when trying to show who you really are as a person.
  • Saying something interesting in 140 characters or less is not as easy as it sounds. It takes practice!
  • Unless you are specifically searching for people who use the hashtag #single (or something similar), you will most likely annoy every single woman you approach if you start off telling them how beautiful they are. Remember: Twitter is not a dating platform, so tread lightly.
  • To elaborate further on the point above, it will take some time to find someone who is 1). single and looking, and 2). interested in you as well. Because of that, you have to consider Twitter as just another tool in your dating tool box. It’s not the holy grail dating platform – and as a matter of fact, success will be challenging unless you are on 24 hours a day.

Keep in mind that while I wrote this article from the male point of view, the same points apply if we switch this around. Asian women looking to meet white men on twitter will face much of the same challenges that the men will, but just as it is in the real world, they will have much more success. The success rate is naturally pretty high when a woman approaches a man, so ladies, keep that in mind if you are feeling nervous about introducing yourself to your Twitter crush. If he’s single, he’ll very likely be interested in starting a conversation with you.

So there you have it. Twitter can work for guys who are looking to meet Asian women online, but it’s a lot more difficult than Instagram due to the fact that it’s a less visual platform and you’ll have to rely on your wit and charm to get your foot in the door. And for many guys, that could be a problem…

instagram iphone

How easy is it for white guys to meet Asian girls on Instagram?

Sometimes I feel like I was born at the wrong time. I just missed out on having the internet becoming mainstream while I was still in school, and I am so envious of kids today who don’t have to go to the library and slog though volumes of encyclopedias to do research for their school projects. I graduated college in 1996, and it was right about then that the internet was starting to grab hold and change the world.

It did take a while to take off though. Porn was obviously one of the first industries to go digital, but it did take a few years for major businesses to see the potential of the internet. Online dating started becoming a thing by 1998 or so – it was then that I remember meeting my first Asian woman online. Her name was Akiko, and she was from Nagoya Japan. We met on Yahoo Personals, and from what I can recall, we exchanged email once a week or so. Our communication wasn’t all that frequent but it was still very exciting to me at the time. I knew right away that this was a revolutionary way to meet women. Finally, shy guys like me had a chance! I wonder whatever happened to Akiko? Last I heard from her (way back in ’98), she told me she was coming to the US to meet several of the men she met online – and she wanted to see me as well. She was husband shopping, and that freaked me out. I didn’t even respond and we lost touch forever,

Fast forward to current times, and social media has taken over our lives whether we like to admit it or not. Meeting people online is SO easy now – and you don’t even need to sign up for a dating site like JapanCupid or KoreanCupid to meet that Asian woman of your dreams. Of course you’ll likely have more success signing up with a dating site and meeting women that way, since everyone there is looking for love. Not everyone on social media is available and looking.

Instagram is my favorite social media platform at the moment, primarily because I am a highly visual person and I have a passion for photography. I’m happily married to a wonderful Japanese woman at the moment and I’m not looking to meet other women, but…wow. There are so many beautiful and amazing Asian women on Instagram that I cry a little inside and wish I had this tool available to me when I was still single.

Meeting Asian girls on Instagram

Instagram is a great way to get to know someone due to how visual of a social media platform it is, and a quick scroll of someones feed will tell you a lot more about that person than you could ever hope to decipher though an ad on an online dating site. It’s so easy to find someone attractive to you (not just in looks, but in lifestyle as well), and I know I could have done well meeting Asian women here when I was still single.

Instagram users come from all over the world, and it’s particular popular with women in Japan and Korea. Especially Korea, as women’s fashion and style is a huge part of the culture – there are so many beautiful Korean woman posting adorably cute selfies that you won’t have to spend a lot of time to find them. Search for the hashtag “#귀엽다” and go from there.

White guys: it helps if you can speak a bit of their language, but overall, work your way in gradually if you see a woman you are interested in. Don’t be creepy, and for the love of God, don’t smother her with likes and comments (because, well, that qualifies as “creepy” and no woman likes to be stalked online). Ask her questions, make random compliments. But don’t overdo it. If she isn’t responding, back off. The best part of Instagram is that is has such a large user base, so if you’re not getting anywhere with one woman, it’s easy to back off and try getting to know someone else.

I wish Instagram was a thing when I was still single. It would have been a lot easier for white guys like me!

Asian girl fart

Do Asian women fart?

Alright, I know that I’m pushing the limits of good taste with this post, but if you’ve clicked on the link and you’re reading these words then chances are you’re generally curious about what I have to say about whether or not Asian woman actually fart. My theory is that anyone who would be offended by a topic such as this wouldn’t have even got this far, so I’m glad that you are curious.

Before I answer this most important question, I should quantify my reason for writing this article. Remember my last post where I was talking about how for the longest time I had assumed that all Asian women were way out of my league? I thought for sure that women from Asia just weren’t interested in regular white guys like me, and that caused me to illogically place them on such a high pedestal in my mind – it was almost as if I thought they were perfect creatures who could do no wrong. It sounds silly, I know, and it wasn’t until I had started meeting Asian women that I started to come back to reality and realize that they were just human beings just like anyone else.

Being just like everyone else means that Asian women are no more delicate and clean as an overweight and out of shape truck driver from Kansas City. Well, clean maybe, but my point is that we are all living things and we are all gross from time to time. Some of us are gross more often than others, but we all do things that would make anyone else gag in disgust if they saw what we did. Go ahead – it’s ok to admit that human beings are disgusting creatures.

It wasn’t until I got married that I realized the severity of how disgusting even the cutest Asian woman could be. I met my wife online at JapanCupid.com, and her profile pics were so pretty. She was (and still is) as pretty as a doll, and I thought for sure I had met an angel.

We lived with each other for about 6 months before getting married, and we both did well to be discreet with our bodily functions at that time. I had barely even seen her underwear laying around for crying out loud, and she was especially lady-like and proper when it came to personal hygiene. She was by far the cleanest person (with the best manners) I had ever met in my life.

Marriage changed all this, and I can fully confirm that yes – without a doubt, Asian women can and do fart. It’s hard for me to describe how disgusting she can be at times without turning this into an article that needs to be censored, but I’ll just say that I’m a pretty disgusting guy in the bathroom sometimes and she has got me beat. Heck, she rips it up worse than I’ve heard in public restrooms my entire life. Those places are the most discussing bathrooms on the planet (people tend to have no shame in there), and she’s just as bad sometimes. It’s quite shocking to me even today considering how tiny and bubbly cute she is!

So for all you white guys out there who think that all Asian women are delicate angels who don’t ever do anything disgusting, I’ve got bad news for you. Asian women do fart. Sorry. That’s just the way it is.

pretty asian woman

Pro tip: she won’t automatically like you just because you’re a white guy

Before my attraction to Asian women fully bloomed, I really didn’t think that women from Asia were into white guys at all. To be honest I wasn’t even something I thought about that much, except for that one time in high school when I was thinking about hitting on that cute Filipino girl in my American History class but I was too chicken to ever try. Asian women were in a different league at that point in my life, and while I did find them attractive, I didn’t dwell on it. There were plenty of other white girls who had my attention anyway.

By the time I was in my early 20’s Asian women were the primary object of my desire and western girls didn’t even exist to me anymore. While it seemed perfectly normal back then to have such a narrow view on dating at relationships, I realize how creepy that sounds as I’m writing it out now. But stay with me for a moment. There’s a point to all this I promise.

Part of the reason I was so focused on Asian women was because of how much easier I was told it would be. I’ve always been a bit of an introvert and mustering up enough courage to approach women has never been my strong point. I’ve crashed and burned too many times to count when I was trying to court the ladies, and I’m not going to lie when I say that it was frustrating.

There was a Chinese woman at work that I had become pretty good friends with, and she made it her mission in life to hook me up with one of her Chinese girlfriends. All I kept hearing from her was how easy it would be for a white guy to meet women in China, and that all Chinese women want to date white men. I was skeptical at first, but enough pestering over the years conditioned me to believe that this was indeed true. As far as I was concerned, I would find the love of my life in China (or anywhere else in Asia) without having to lift a finger.

The next few years were pretty rough for my dating life. I fully believed that all Asian woman wanted to be with a white man, and it crushed me when I realized how much of a struggle it was to meet Asian girls. Especially here in the US. Failure after failure after failure…I wasn’t getting anywhere, and it wasn’t until I started meeting other Asian people (men and women) and actually talking to them about this subject that I realized how ignorant I had been on the subject.

Plain and simple, Asian women don’t look at white guys any differently than they would anyone else. As a matter of fact, most prefer Asian guys. That’s just the way it is. It was a difficult thing for the young early 20-something version of me to come to realize, and I’ve chalked it up as one of my most significant educational experiences of my life. It’s dangerous to paint a large group of people with a single wide brush, and it took many years of frustration and confusion to unlearn that little nugget of info and set me straight.

The most interesting thing about all this is that I still meet a lot of younger white guys today who have this same narrow-minded idea about Asian women. It may have been the case that Asian women were more attracted to white guys a long time ago, but with the technology we have today (internet, travel, etc), white people in Asia are not a big deal. It’s nothing special, and I promise you that every cutie you see on the streets of Hong Kong or Taipei are not attracted to you just because you’re white.

marrying a Japanese woman

Advice from a white guy for living with a Japanese woman

I’ve been married to my Japanese wife for over 7 years now, and I’ll going to be flat out honest with you other white guys when I say that it hasn’t been what I expected it to be. Maybe it’s because I grew up deep in the heart of the Midwestern US about as far from Asian culture as one could possibly get, but for some reason or another I thought that living with a Japanese woman would be amazingly simple and calm experience. Almost zen-like. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Don’t misunderstand me. I love my wife very much, and I would do nearly anything for her. But the idea that Japanese women (or any Asian woman for that matter) are more feminine and respectful of men is a flat out lie. In the 7 years I’ve been married to her, each passing year brings a deeper and much more asserted understanding that women are women – no matter where on earth they come from. They are all emotional, illogical, tempered, and confusing. There. I said it. Men have their bad traits too, and that’s not the point of this article (so I’m not going to get into it), but quite frankly, Asian women are no easier to live with than women from any other race.

As a matter of fact, I’d like to go down on record as saying that it can be even MORE difficult at times to live with an Asian woman. At least Japanese woman, which is where all of my experience is focused around.

Here is my advice for living with a Japanese woman:

1). Do what she tells you, or your life will be a living hell.

Since women are women no matter where they come from, you can expect a Japanese woman to carry (and sling) the same emotional baggage similar to most other women. Girls are just emotional creatures. BUT…the plot thickens with a Japanese woman, because she will be even more easily frustrated with you because of your crude western ways. Don’t kick things with your feet. Don’t say “no” too aggressively. She’ll tell you to fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the laundry basket. She’ll tell you all these things, and she’ll get emotional and combative about it when you tell her it’s hard to change because it goes against your western culture.

2). Learn to be neat and organized.

If you’re a naturally sloppy kind of guy, this one is gonna be tough, I know. Japanese culture is all about cleanliness and order. Your dirty feet, that pile of dirty clothes in the corner…these are the enemy to Japanese women, and she will nag you relentlessly to change your ways. Trust me – life becomes a lot simpler when you stop resisting and clean up after yourself.

3). Be prepared to defend western culture (and then realize how silly it is in the process).

As an American, I’m fully aware of how messed up our culture – and the government – can be at times. Unfortunately, as an outsider, my wife is even more baffled by it than I am and she loves to complain about the ways of the US and our view of the world. While I fully agree with her points most of the time, she lacks the perspective of being born and raised here and not seeing things from my point of view. This usually results in me inadvertently trying to justify the actions of the US government (which is silly) and this just adds fuel to her fire. More often than not these discussions end abruptly as I give up and walk out of the room in frustration.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time with the knowledge and understanding I have now, before we got married. I probably had set my expectations too high for marrying a Japanese woman, and I wasn’t mature enough to realize that it wasn’t going to be any better or worse than marrying a woman from another culture.

I do love her greatly though, and the past 7 years have been more good than bad. I don’t regret my decision at all. It’s been a fun challenge to say the least!

Green card advice

3 things to keep in mind once you are married and have your green card

In my last post I talked about the three most important things my Japanese wife and I learned about the US green card application process. It was grueling at times, and I was totally sick and tired of filling paperwork by the time it was finished. Of course it was totally worth it though, as it allowed my wife to live with me legally here in the US.

It was such a great feeling for us both to get that green card in the mail, and it immediately erased our concerns about being able to live together here in the US. We assumed that once we had the card, there was nothing else to worry about and we could live happily ever after – but there are some things that we’ve encountered over the years that we weren’t expecting. For the record, my wife has had her green card for 6 years now.

Here’s what my Japanese wife and I learned about being a US green card holder:

1). You have to keep records of everything.

And by everything, I literally mean everything. When you are first issued a green card, you are basically being put on probation for two years. This means that once two years have passed, you will be required to submit proof to the US government that you are not a criminal and you are still married (and therefore legally able to be a green card holder). Since my wife’s green card is dependent on her marriage to me, a US citizen, we must remain married and living together for her to keep that card.

The government wants proof of that. Pictures, documents, letters from friends and family – they want as much info as you can provide to show proof. We didn’t submit enough proof the first time, and our renewal application was rejected (which I’ll admit was a bit scary to get that letter). Once we submitted more pics and letters from friends and neighbors, our application was accepted and the probation period of my wife’s green card was lifted.

We will be required to provide the same proof at the 10 year mark, so you can bet that we are documenting as much as we can to make that next review period to go that much smoother.

2). Green card holders must carry it with them at all times.

We learned this one the hard way, while coming back from a vacation from Paris in 2011. My wife realized that she forgot to bring her green card while we were at the airport in Paris ready to hop a flight back to the US, and it took a lot of begging from the US consulate there at the airport to let her on that airplane. Once we arrived in the US, the immigration officials weren’t so nice with her. She was detained for about an hour, given a stern talking to, and was fined nearly $500. Ouch. Lesson learned.

3). The name on the green card does not need to match what is on the passport.

My wife decided to use her married name on the green card, while leaving her passport in her maiden name. This has caused zero problems for her traveling abroad and then re-entering the US. At first she always brought the marriage certificate with her just in case as proof of the name change, but US immigration officials have never once asked to see it. They already have the information in their database obviously.

Marriage and green card difficulties is one of the biggest hurdles western men face when dating in Asia. Yes, it can be a bit complicated at times, and you have to be organized, but the benefits far outweigh the negatives IMHO. Don’t worry so much – pursue that Asian woman who likes you so much and make her your wife. I’m living proof that it’s one of the best decisions you’ll ever make!

US Green Card

The 3 most important things we learned while applying for my wife’s green card

Ok. So you’ve been successful with the online dating thing and you met the woman (or man) of your dreams. The next step (if you’re brave enough) is marriage, which is undoubtedly an exciting and amazing situation to be in. I remember the feeling when my wife and I decided to get married, and there really isn’t any other feeling like it. We were scared shitless, but also felt like we were on top of the world and that our lives were now “complete”. I met her on JapanCupid by the way – a dating website I’ve already talked a lot about and highly recommend.

So now that you’ve decided to take the plunge and get married, the real challenge begins. Marriage between a citizen of the US and a citizen of another country is a very complicated thing, and I highly suggest you look into the current requirements before proceeding. The act of getting married isn’t any more difficult than it would be if it were two persons of the same nationality, but being able to actually live together is where things get tricky.

Most western men who meet women online in Asia (or anywhere else) start the application for the green card before getting married. This is a long process, often taking years to complete. But you don’t actually have to do it this way. My wife and I decided to get married before we actually had the green card, since she was already in the US on the visa waiver program. We were thrilled to find out that we could do it that way, but it wasn’t the most interesting nugget of info we learned during our application process.

Here are 3 really important things we learned while applying for a green card:

1. You will need an immigration lawyer to guide you through the process.

I’m the kind of guy who likes to do everything himself, and I was determined to do all the research and paperwork for the green card on my own. It didn’t take more than a day to realize that applying for a US green card is a complicated process and any mistakes could delay or even cancel the application. We didn’t want to run the risk of screwing something up, so we hired an immigration lawyer to guide us through the process and do all the paperwork for us. It was money well spent.

2. The amount of paperwork required is frustrating.

All I can say to you is this: be prepared to fill out stacks of paperwork spanning months at a time. Also, this paperwork will require a lot of research and documentation on your part to fill in things like work history, places you’ve lived (with addresses, phone numbers, and references), bank account history, etc. The background checks are thorough – for both the husband and wife.

3. You can screw the application process up really bad and things will still be ok.

We made one huge mistake during our application process that I thought for sure would immediately cancel our application: we MISSED our final in-person interview with the immigration officer. This interview is the last step of the green card application process, requiring you both to meet with an US immigration officer who will review your application and ask a lot of questions. My wife and I accidentally wrote down the wrong date for our appointment, and we missed it completely. We were a no-show, and once I realized what happened I thought for sure we were screwed. Long story short (and a lot of phone calls and apologizing later), we were granted a second interview slot. But they warned us if we missed it again the application would be cancelled.

The process of applying for a US green card was a very tiring and stressful experience (all that paperwork!), but it was completely worth it in the end. Our application took eight months to complete, but that was back in 2009 so I’m not really sure what the timeline is now. But we powered through it, and my Japanese wife is now a certified permanent resident of the US with the green card to prove it.