The fact that you’re even reading this article means that you’re putting more thought into this than I ever did. There are quite a few disadvantages of marrying a Filipina, and knowing what you’re getting into beforehand is the extremely smart way to go about it.
For the record, I ended up marrying a Japanese woman. However, I had dated a handful of Filipina women back in my single days. I’m also close friends with a lot of guys who have Filipina wives, so this is something I know quite a bit about.
The TDLR version of this article is simply this: yes, there are some disadvantages to marrying a Filipina. However, if you put enough time and effort into it, the positives far outweigh the negatives.
If you’re curious to know more about what some of those positives are, be sure to read the article I wrote which highlights all the things you can expect when marrying a Filipina. But that’s not why you’re here, right?
All the disadvantages of marrying a Filipina
Again, I’m not trying to scare you or anything, but there are some things you really need to know:
1. You’ll be marrying her family as well
First of all, if you’re not familiar with Filipino culture at all, you have to understand that it is a very family-centric society. This means that families are very close, and marrying a woman from the Philippines means that you will be very close with her family as well. Whether you like it or not.
Some people hate the idea of constant family gatherings (and nonstop communication with them). Are you the kind of person who enjoys spending your weekends and evenings with your wife’s family? If not, marrying a Filipina might not be for you…
2. It’s expensive!
As someone who has experience marrying a woman from another country, all I can say is this: I was nowhere near prepared as I should’ve been when it came to the amount of money it cost to go through with the marriage.
Not only were there travel costs to go visit her before the marriage, it got even more expensive once the marriage was complete. Moving is always a very expensive endeavor, but you can multiply that by 100 if she’s moving from overseas.
You also have to consider things such as:
- The cost of preparing for the move. Are you going to do all the packing and boxing yourself? If not, paying someone to do it is insanely expensive.
- The cost of paying customs fees for importing goods. When my wife moved from Japan to live with me in the United States, we ultimately decided that would be cheaper if she just stored all of her large belongings at her parents house in Japan. It would’ve been far too expensive to put them on a boat and ship them to the US. That may sound like an easy solution, but some of those things she was very emotionally attached to (such as furniture). This caused her emotional stress, which added tension to our marriage right from the beginning.
3. There will be a lot of emotional stress
This was the biggest problem for my wife and I when we first got married. Women are more emotional than men, and uprooting her life to come to live with me really took a toll on her. Everything was new and strange to her, and she had a very difficult time dealing with it for the first several years.
From what my friends tell me, Filipino women are even more emotional. I don’t have a single friend who married a woman from the Philippines who didn’t have difficulty in the first few years of marriage. Yes, Filipino women are extremely kind and generous, but the act of getting married (and leaving family) to go live with a man in a completely different country can be an extremely emotional experience.
The best thing you can do is to put yourself in her shoes and understand what she’s going through to be with you. Personally, I was too insensitive to the fact that my wife gave up everything to be with me in the beginning, and I think back on our early years with regret- and a bit of shame. I wish
I would’ve been more supportive of her and thankful for what she did for me back then.
4. The arguments will be fierce
I’m laughing a little bit as I write this, because as any married man will tell you, there will be arguments. No matter how much you love your wife (and how much she loves you), you’re eventually going to argue about stuff. Stupid stuff. Stuff you never thought you’d ever argue about. And as far as I’m concerned, this is one of the major disadvantages to marrying a Filipina.
Not only are Filipino women extremely emotional, they’re also really good fighters. They are extremely passionate and they stand up for what they believe in. Back in my single years, I had arguments with all the Filipino women I dated at some point or another.
And you know what? I lost every single one of those arguments. I also learned how petty and selfish I was, because they all accused me of that – even though I vehemently denied it at the time. Now, thinking back on those arguments, I’ve come to the conclusion that they were all right.
- Filipino women are extremely observant. They see people for who they are like none other culture that I know, and I’m glad that I had the experience of being called out by a Filipina in my younger years. It honestly made me a better person because of it.
5. She will eventually want to go home
This is really important, and something that neither my wife and I fully understood when we were younger and first got married. They say that love will make you blind, and we both were fully blinded by it in the beginning.
However, as the years go on, my Japanese wife is continuously getting more and more homesick. I’ve been asking my friends with Filipino wives about this as well, and nearly all of them are saying the same thing.
If you marry somebody from a different country, and she comes to live with you in your country, she’s eventually going to want to go home permanently. Even if she still loves you, and even if she doesn’t want the marriage to end.
Having a long-term plan before marrying a Filipina is absolutely crucial. Most of the time, it’s the woman who gives up her life to be with the man. It’s an incredibly large sacrifice, and as she gets older, she’s going to be drawn back to her homeland more and more.
Ask anyone who has experience with international marriage. It happens a lot more than you think, and it’s extremely important to consider what’s going to happen as you both grow older.
Is she willing to grow old and die in your country? Conversely, are you willing to grow old and die in her country? It’s a very dark and morbid question, I know, but it’s probably the biggest disadvantage to marrying someone from a different country.
If my wife and I would’ve known what we know now, I’m not sure we would’ve ever got married. Yes, we probably still would’ve been together and tried to do the long-distance relationship thing, but leaving your own culture is extremely difficult.
No. I’m not trying to discourage you from marrying the love of your life. Even though there are some real disadvantages to marrying a Filipina, they are nothing that you can’t overcome by approaching them with a bit of caution and thought.
You both need to be on the same page before going into the marriage (thinking about what’s going to happen over the long term). If you don’t, it’s never going to work.
For further reading on this topic, I highly suggest reading about the 3 things to keep in mind once you are married and your wive has her green card. It’s based on my personal experiences marrying a Japanese woman and moving her to the US to live with me, but it’s still applicable to anyone in nearly any country.