Do girls like quiet guys? Yes, but…there are some things you need to know.

By Doug •  8 min read

It’s tough being an introverted guy. Social media gives us all the reason to believe that the only way to meet someone is to be the life of the party. If you are the quiet type, that’s extremely depressing. So what’s the deal? Do girls like quiet guys or not?

As an older guy in my 40s who has been quiet my entire life, I can tell you flat out the answer is yes. They do.

However, it’s a bit more complicated than that. Don’t worry though, because I’m about to share with you all the things that I’ve learned about what it was like in my single years as an extremely introverted guy who was afraid to approach women.

What kinds of girls are attracted to quiet guys?

In my experience, I can tell you (without a doubt) that girls of all kinds like quiet guys. I’m not bragging or anything, but I’ve been hit on by girls of all types over they years. Outgoing girls, shy girls, party girls, nerdy girls…none seemed to be turned off by my introverted ways.

And you know what’s really interesting? A majority of the girls who hit on me in my single days were the “social butterfly” tapes. The kind that are extremely extroverted – and not what I assumed would be into quiet guys like me.

I remember the time in 10th grade when my sister’s (really hot) friend asked me out on a date while we (my sister, our family, and her) were all sitting at the dinner table together.

I blushed immediately, and gently turned her down. Of course I was extremely flattered by her proposal, but I lacked the confidence to believe that I could ever be with an extroverted girl like that.

In my younger years, I had also been hit on by a random girls in completely random places. Keep in mind that my mannerisms have always been on the timid side, and I was never was a loud or super-stylish dresser. I was always the kind of guy who looked quiet and shy, so it’s no doubt that they knew what they were getting into when they approached me.

It’s also important to note that Asian women (of all nationalities) tend to like quiet guys. The ability to easily understand if they are attracted to you one of the reasons why I became attracted to Asian women in my 20s.

Western culture has put so much emphasis on strength and power, and I was getting extremely frustrated trying to be something that I wasn’t. Yes, I am man enough to admit that I’m not extremely strong and powerful.

As a quiet guy, you need to learn to manage your expectations

One of the things that I learned at a very early age is that life is a lot easier when you set realistic expectations.

I hate to admit it, but chances are slim that you’re actually going to enjoy being with an extroverted and very outgoing girl if you’ve got a quiet personality. If you’re not very social yourself, it’s going to be extremely difficult for you to change your lifestyle and personality to be with someone who is always going out and is surrounded by friends.

You also need to let go of the dream of living the rockstar lifestyle you see plastered all over social media. If you’ve been shy and quiet since the day you were born, the chances of breaking out of that are extremely slim. However, be proud of who you are!

It took me until I was in my late 20s to be comfortable with who I really was. At that point, I knew that there was no chance of me becoming an outgoing social butterfly. That doesn’t mean I’m boring – it just means that I’m happy being the quiet silent type who prefers to take life at a somewhat slower pace.

Accepting who I was as a person was a very good decision. Marrying a Japanese woman who had a personality very similar to my own in my mid 30s was one of the best decisions I ever made. Had I tried to go against the grain and be with an outgoing and extroverted woman, my wife would be hell right now. I can pretty much guarantee that.

How can quiet guys improve their chances of meeting women?

Be quiet and shy myself, the best advice that I can give you is to let them come to you. Put yourself out there. Make yourself attractive and desirable. this is a lot easier than it sounds, especially with all the powerful social media tools that we have at our disposal.

I was very upbeat and positive person in my teens, and I attracted a lot of girls being like that. However, life started to beat me down in my 20s, and then became more negative and critical of everything. And guess what? I spent most of my 20s being single.

Do girls like quiet guys who won’t make the first move?

Again, speaking from my own personal experience, there’s nothing that will attract a girl more than by not giving her the attention she wants. I don’t mean that in a negative way of course. All I’m saying is that if a girl is attracted to you, and she thinks that you’re attracted to her, it will drive her crazy if you seem aloof and somewhat distant.

As a matter of fact, this was my dating strategy after college. I was far too shy and introverted to ever ask a girl out, but I did pretty well for myself taking advantage of my shyness and waiting for them to come to me. Yes, I probably lost a lot of opportunities along the way, but that’s OK.

On the flipside, it’s also very attractive to a girl when a quiet guy attempts to ask her out. Yes, many girls like confident guys who take charge of everything, but it’s not always the case.

I remember being much younger and fumbling my words when asking out a girl that I was attracted to.

Yes, I was rejected sometimes, but it was easy to see that playing “shy and quiet” was a huge advantage. Girls have much more empathy than boys, and are far less likely to laugh in your face if you make a fool of yourself.

One last piece of advice

If there’s anything that you get from this article, let it be this: don’t change who you are to attract the kind of partner you think you want.

Do girls like quiet guys? Yes! Do girls like quiet guys who are pretending to be something that they’re not? No!

Being shy and quiet isn’t a lifetime sentence of solidarity and loneliness. I’m living proof of that. I had decent success with dating in my single years, and it eventually lead to a great marriage.

If I spent my entire life trying to be something that I’m not (and attracting the wrong type of women along the way), chances are pretty good that I’d be in a very different spot right now. The kind of spot that I wouldn’t be proud to talk about. I’m quite sure of that.


Doug is just an ordinary white guy living in the midwestern United States. He's been married to an amazing Japanese woman since 2010, and has created to share his experiences with international dating and marriage (the good and the bad),