Do Japanese women like American men? Yes! But ONLY if…

By Doug •  9 min read

Believe it or not, there are more Japanese women that don’t like American men and those that do. I know this because I’m a white guy born and raised in the United States and my wife is a Japanese woman born and raised in Japan. She tells me stuff. Interesting stuff. So the question is: do Japanese women like American men or not?

The answer is obviously: yes, they do. If that wasn’t the case, my wife and I never would’ve gotten married. Heck – we probably wouldn’t have even made it past the dating stage. By the way, if you’re going to go down that route, there’s a lot you need to know about dating a Japanese girl. It’s different for sure.

Do Japanese women like American men?

The answer to this question is complicated. To explain it as thoroughly as I can, I’m going to list out all the different kinds of American men that Japanese women do and do not like.

There are most definitely certain stereotypes of American men that are a turn off to Japanese women, and it’s important to know what those are before you even consider hopping on an online dating sites such as eHarmony to find the Japanese woman of your dreams.

1. Japanese women like “boyish” American men

And just for the record, by “boyish”, I mean more “adolescent-like” than “manly-like.” No, Japanese women aren’t typically pedophiles or anything, but you have to know that youth is far more attractive in Japan that it is in the United States.

The best way to explain it is to say it like this: you’re going to do very well dating Japanese woman if you remind her of Harry Potter. Japanese girls go crazy for men with softer personalities. The younger (and more cute) you look will be very much to your advantage. But remember: it’s not all about looks! Your boyish looks must come with a boyish personality.

A word of warning: there are lots of pros and cons of dating a Japanese girl, so you’re going to have to prepare yourself.

2. Japanese women do not like American guys who are into weightlifting

Now that you know that Japanese girls prefer guys who look small and boyish, I’ve got bad news for all you American guys out there who are in the gym at 4am every morning striving to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. The fact of the matter is that there is only a very small number of Japanese women who are into overly-muscular guys. My apologies if you’re a meathead with an attraction to women from Japan.

Not only has my wife told me this, but every single Japanese girl that I dated before her did as well. Think about it: how many overly-muscular men do you see with Japanese girlfriends or wives?

I’m not saying that it never happens. For example, everyone is different, and there are some Japanese girls who like black guys who are in the gym all the time. It’s rare though, and not the norm.

3. Japanese women like American men who are willing to give up some of their own culture

I know this because I live this. Japanese and American culture is nothing alike, in one of the biggest struggles I had marrying a Japanese woman was adopting tidbits of her culture and replacing them with my own.

For Example, Japanese culture is all about cleanliness and organization. I had always considered myself to be a very clean and organize guy before I married her, but I was in for a shock when we first moved in together. Here are a few of the highlights:

I could go on and on with examples of all the ways that I’ve had to adopt Japanese culture into my life, but that’s not the point. The point is that your relationship with a Japanese woman isn’t going to last very long if you are incredibly stubborn and refuse to adapt to her ways.

You need to understand them. More importantly, you need to fully understand what Japanese girls are like even before considering getting into a relationship with one.

I’ve got loads of advice for marrying a Japanese woman, so do feel free to reach out to me if you have any specific questions. I’d be glad to help.

4. Japanese women do not like loud and aggressive American men

Actually, this applies to men from all countries. Not just America. The important thing to understand is that American men can be very loud and vocal at times – especially when watching sporting events . It’s a major turn off for Japanese women.

Yes, it’s absolutely OK to be passionate about certain things. As a matter fact, it’s encouraged. However, Japanese culture is modest in ways that makes American culture seem barbarian and crude. Americans don’t hold back when it comes to expressing feelings. Raised voices, loud cheers, and vocal / heated disagreement is what makes American men who they are.

The Japanese are the exact opposite of this (in public anyway). Yes, they can be loud and vocal at times. The difference is that they don’t do it publicly. For example, my wife is shy and quiet in public but will argue and yell like an American when it’s just me and her. As long as you can control your emotions in public, you’ll be fine. That’s the important part.

5. Japanese women are extremely attracted to modest American men

I know. It’s hard to find a modest American man these days, but we do exist. While most of the guys in this country love to talk about things like building massive houses and lifted trucks, those topics of conversations will get you nowhere when dating a woman from Japan.

As I mentioned earlier, Japanese females are attracted to boyish and very modest personalities. They simply don’t like guys who chase money and material objects.

Yes, there are Japanese women who are very much obsessed with material objects as well. All I’m saying is that Japanese people are raised from youth to be extremely modest and appreciative of the things they have. You’ll find most people from Japan to be this way.

And yes, some Japanese women may be attracted to the stereotypical American guy who drives a lifted truck and listens to country music. At first. It’s just a novelty for them in the beginning, but chances are that the relationship isn’t going to last long. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

By the way, I’ve got an entire guide on how to date a Japanese girl without making a fool of yourself. Maybe it’s just the thing you need if you’re still not convinced that Japanese women like American guys?

6. Japanese women do not like American men who are “pro America”

Look. There’s nothing wrong with being patriotic. It’s a very good thing to be proud of your country and your heritage. However, we Americans tend to go overboard sometimes thinking that we are the greatest nation on earth and everyone else must bow down to us.

As someone who has been traveling the world for well over 20 years now, I can tell you this: America, while absolutely amazing, is not the best country in the world. We have our fair share of problems, and it can be extremely annoying to the citizens of other countries to listen to us tell them how great we are.

Anyway, this all goes back to the modesty point that I was making above. If you are an ultra-patriotic American who thinks that this country can do no wrong, it’s going to be a major turn off for a Japanese woman.

The Japanese are modest. They know they aren’t perfect, and they will admit to it. They also expect Americans to admit to their own faults as well.  And if you are American, you know very well that we sometimes have a hard time doing this.

If you want to be with a Japanese woman, you are going to have to learn some humility and turn down the patriotism just a bit. For some people, that won’t be possible. And that’s OK. Just know that you likely won’t be dating very many girls from Japan.

A few final thoughts

Do Japanese women like American men? Yes! And no. Much of the time the answer is “yes” of course, but It’s just that there are a long string of “if’s” and “but’s” that you need to be aware of. Knowing how to tell if a Japanese woman likes you is an important skill to have in this case, because there is no race-based reason why she shouldn’t.

The moral of the story is to be modest and kind. Don’t scoff at her when she tells you to fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the laundry basket. Don’t talk so loud in public. And most importantly, if you can, get yourself a rockin’ harry potter haircut.


Doug is just an ordinary white guy living in the midwestern United States. He's been married to an amazing Japanese woman since 2010, and has created to share his experiences with international dating and marriage (the good and the bad),

Keep Reading