Japanese vs Chinese women (as explained by a white guy)

By Doug •  8 min read

Before getting married to my Japanese wife, it was really difficult for me (a white guy from the Midwestern United States) to intelligently compare Japanese vs Chinese women. Of course I wasn’t ignorantly assuming that all Asian women were the same of anything. It’s just that I was uninformed.

However, being with my wife for the past 10 years (and hearing her opinions on Chinese women), I’m much wiser and far more aware than I used to be.

For the record, I dated a handful of both Japanese and Chinese women back in my single days. My experiences with women from China were far different than my experiences with women from Japan. There are things that you need to know about each for sure, and I’ve actually written about them in the past:

Japanese vs Chinese women: all the most notable differences

The detailed comparison I’m about to write is based on my won experiences of dating (and working with) women from both countries. Not only that, being married to a Japanese woman has taught me a thing or two as well. Here’s what I’ve learned:

Chinese women are cold as hell

And of course, by “cold”, I actually mean “cruel”. It’s important to note that I don’t mean anything bad by saying this. I’m just sharing my own personal experiences, that’s all.

More specifically, nearly every Chinese woman that I’ve ever had a relationship with (either personally or professionally) has left me feeling frustrated and ignored at some point. Maybe they act like this because it’s the way they’ve been treated by other Chinese people their entire life?

Chinese woman umbrella

I’m not sure who this woman is, but I’m fairly confident that she’s ignoring someone right now.

The Chinese aren’t known for being very compassionate (especially when compared to the Japanese). I’ve been flat out ignored by Chinese women who I assumed liked me, only to have them reappear months (sometimes years) later and continuing the conversation like nothing had ever happened.

Japanese women have far more empathy than Chinese women

If you know anything at all about the culture of Japan, it shouldn’t come as any shock that Japanese women have incredible amounts of empathy.

But there’s a catch…

After being married to a Japanese woman for over 10 years now, I’ve come to understand that this empathy does have a limit. Anyone who has been married (or in a long term relationship) knows that things change when two people start becoming comfortable with one another.

In public, my wife is extremely kind and empathetic to others. In private (with me), she’s just as blunt and outspoken as a Chinese woman (or an American, or European, or…whatever).

A Chinese woman will do whatever it takes to get what she wants

Taking life by the reigns and having determination is a good thing. Nearly every Chinese woman I have ever met had a natural tendency to take aggressive steps to go after what she wanted. I always admire it. As a matter of fact, this is one of the ways that I actually prefer Chinese women vs Japanese women.

In comparison, Japanese women tend to be more passive and careful about appearing to be too strong-minded. I constantly have to tell my wife that it’s ok to take big steps to get the things she wants in life. She lacks confidence with this sort of thing, and it’s something I notice in other Japanese women as well.

Japanese women are typically far less confident than Chinese women

The reason why Chinese women far more likely to take aggressive measures to get what they want in life is because they are confident. That confidence is likely why they have no problem dipping in and out of relationships for seemingly no reason. Seriously – I’ve been ghosted by more Chinese women in my life (personally and professionally) than any other. They just don’t care!

Japanese vs Chinese women

There’s a lot to consider when dating a Japanese woman compared to a Chinese woman. Either way, it’ll be a fun (yet challenging) experience.

Being in a relationship with a Japanese woman can be frustrating. Especially if you’re a white guy born and raised in a western country (where confidence is taught and encouraged at a young age).

Japanese women typically need to be fed a steady stream of encouragement and praise to keep them in a good mental state. Which is fine. Giving constant encouragement and praise to your girlfriend or wife is something that you need to be doing anyway.

Japanese women are slightly more confident when it comes to relationships

On the flip side, I’ve personally experienced highly confident Japanese women back in my dating years. Confidence is one of the signs that a Japanese woman likes you. For example, one woman, who I had only been chatting with online for about a month, told me that she wanted to come to the US and visit me.

She even asked if she could stay at my place to save money. I thought she was joking, but she emailed me her itinerary the follow day.

Not only that, it was my wife who asked ME to get married. I had fully intended on asking her, but she was more than a little anxious.

In hindsight, I think the reason why Japanese women are so aggressive when it comes to relationships is that the feel pressure from both their family and society to find a good husband to settle down with. The pressure is much stronger for women in Japan compared to women in China (and other places).

Chinese women are more heavily influenced by western media and culture than Japanese women

On the surface, this might seem a bit strange. After all, China is a communist country which blocks a majority western media (especially news and social networks). Japan, on the other hand, is completely open to the world and doesn’t actively block out news and information.

The difference is that Japanese people are highly proud and respectful of their own culture. They tend to stick to traditions and norms passed down from one generation to another.

China doesn’t hold on so tightly to their own traditions. They’ve experienced explosive industrial growth over the past several decades, which has created a society very different from what it was even just 20 years ago.

There are a very large number of families with money to spend, and luxury items are in high demand. Especially if those items come from wealthy western countries.

Fashion differences between Japanese and Chinese women

Because Chinese culture is becoming more and more influenced by the west, fashion is changing as well. Especially women’s fashion.

in Japan, traditions are still very much adhered to. Women (for most part) wear muted colors. Their clothes are never very revealing, and it’s very rare to see a Japanese woman wear shorts in public.

My wife (who has been in the US since 2010) still isn’t brave enough to wear shorts in public here. Even on the hottest of summer days.

In contrast, Chinese women are far more bold when it comes to fashion and style. Especially the younger generation.

A walk though nearly any major Chinese city in the warmer months of the year will reveal that most women under the age of 40 will dress in very “western” style. Low cut tops, short skirts, leggings, and short shorts aren’t uncommon. As a matter of fact, it’s becoming more and more typical.

A few final thoughts about making comparisons between Chinese and Japanese women

Don’t be as culturally ignorant and foolish as I was when I first started dating in Asia. Japanese and Chinese women couldn’t be any more different from one another than they already are!

Think of Chinese culture (and women) being very similar to US culture (and women). They are typically loud, outspoken, and not afraid to hurt anyone’s feelings. This is the exact opposite of what Japanese culture is all about.

Maybe that’s why my wife gets so offended when someone mistakes her for being Chinese?


Doug is just an ordinary white guy living in the midwestern United States. He's been married to an amazing Japanese woman since 2010, and has created AsiaGraphix.com to share his experiences with international dating and marriage (the good and the bad),

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