I’ve been married to a Japanese woman since 2010, and I’ll going to be flat out honest with you other white guys when I say that marrying a Japanese woman hasn’t been what I expected it to be.
Maybe it’s because I grew up deep in the heart of the Midwestern US, but for some reason or another I thought that living with a woman from Japan would be amazingly simple and calm experience. Almost zen-like. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Don’t misunderstand me. I love my wife very much, and I would do anything for her. But the idea that Japanese women (or any Asian woman for that matter) are more feminine and respectful of men is a flat out lie.
Each passing year brings a deeper understanding to me that women are women – no matter where they come from.
They are all emotional, illogical, ill-tempered, and confusing. Men have their bad traits too, but that’s not the point of this rant. All I’m saying is that Japanese women are no easier to live with than women from anywhere else.
7 important tips for marrying a Japanese woman:
First and foremost, I’d like to go down on record as saying that it can be even MORE difficult to live with a Japanese woman than an Asian woman from anywhere else.
1. Do what she tells you (or else your life will be a living hell)
You can expect a Japanese woman to carry (and sling) the same emotional baggage as women from anywhere else. Women are just emotional creatures.
She will be easily frustrated with you and your ‘crude’ Western ways. Do not (under any circumstance):
- Kick things with your feet
- Say “no” too aggressively
- Forget to fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the laundry basket
She’ll likely get emotional and combative about these things. Especially if you have the balls to tell her it’s hard to change because it goes against your Western culture. For the sake of your sanity (and hers), just do what she tells you to do.
2. Learn to be neat and organized
If you’re a naturally sloppy kind of guy, this one is gonna be tough. Japanese culture is all about cleanliness and order.
Your dirty feet, that pile of dirty clothes in the corner – these are the enemy to Japanese women, and she will nag you relentlessly to change your ways. Trust me – life becomes a lot simpler when you stop resisting and clean up after yourself.
Being neat and organized is something I talked about in my discussion about how to date a Japanese girl. If you have a problem being neat and tidy when you’re dating, it’s going to be extremely difficult when you get married.
3. Be prepared to defend western culture (and then realize how silly it is in the process)
As an American, I’m fully aware of how messed up our culture (and the government) can be at times. Unfortunately, as an outsider, my wife is even more baffled by it than I am.
Yes – Japanese do like American men (despite our comparatively aggressive culture).
While I fully agree with her issues and concerns most of the time, she lacks the perspective of being born and raised here and not seeing things from my point of view.
This usually results in me inadvertently trying to justify why we are the way we are (which is silly), and this just adds fuel to the fire. More often than not these discussions end abruptly as I give up trying to justify why things are the way they are.
4. Be prepared to spend some time apart
If your wife has family and friends in Japan, there’s a pretty good chance that she’s going to want to go back and visit them often.
I find it difficult to tag along on all of those trips since I am usually busy with work here at home. Therefore, she goes to Japan alone for several weeks at a time at least once a year.
5. Be prepared to eat things you’ve never dreamed of eating before
Being married to a Japanese woman means eating weird food from time to time. If it wasn’t for my wife, I never would have eaten horse meat, whale meat, and even raw chicken.
And don’t even get me started on things like Natto (fermented beans) and Umeboshi (pickled plums). This is the kind of food that will be in your refrigerator for as long as you are married.
6. Be prepared to talk about divorce (a lot)
My wife and I love each other very much, but the truth of the matter is that it’s hard for her living here in the US. The language is difficult, and she just doesn’t jive with US culture sometimes.
Because of this, she often talks about moving back to Japan – with or without me. Of course I don’t want that to happen. But I also don’t want to live in Japan full time either.
That means if she ever goes back, there’s a pretty good chance that we’ll be splitting up. Not because we don’t love each other, but because neither of us want to live outside of our home country as we grow old.
7. It won’t be as picture-perfect as you expect it to be
When I was seeking out a Japanese wife, I was looking for:
- Someone who could love me unconditionally for who I am
- Someone who could broaden my horizons and get me thinking about things from an alternate perspective
- Someone who is polite and kind to everyone she meets
Most Japanese women are like this. And the good news is that the Japanese woman I married ticks off all of those boxes. She’s great. However, she’s a human being, just like every other human being on this planet, and she is as flawed as I am.
- She’s stubborn
- She gets very defensive about things and likes to argue
- She has weird (annoying) habits
- She’s a little bit racist towards some cultures
- She farts in her sleep. A lot. Yes, Asian women do fart.
The truth of the matter is that marrying a Japanese woman isn’t any different than marrying a woman from any other culture.
She is very proud of her culture and she’s hanging on to it for dear life, but she’s only human. I’m no perfect specimen either, so our marriage isn’t perfect.
If I had to do it all over again, would I marry another Japanese woman?
I have no regrets marrying a woman from Japan. As a matter of fact, it’s been pretty great.
That being said, there are many pros and cons of marrying a Japanese woman. There are so many cons, in fact, that if our marriage were to fall apart and we ended up getting divorced, I don’t think I would have any desire to get married again.
But if I had to get married, chances are pretty good that I’d be over on eHarmony trying to meet Japanese women (all over again). I like the culture – especially how they put such a high emphasis on honor and respect. You’re not going to find that sort of thing anywhere else.