As a white guy who’s dated his fair share of white (western) and Asian women, I’m fairly confident when I say that Asian dating isn’t all that different than western dating. For some odd reason, I’ve run into a lot of caucasian people who think that Asian culture is something from another universe, and it’s difficult for them to comprehend how I could stand the differences due to the cultures being so different.

On one hand, it is true. Most Asian cultures are completely different than the US way of thinking that is burned deep into my brain, and it has been difficult at times to be with a Asian woman who doesn’t fully understand my point of view. And yes, that goes both ways. I’ve been accused many times of not fully appreciating the point of view of the Asian woman I am with. The struggle is indeed real and both the man and woman needs to make an honest effort to keep the other happy.

However, cultural differences aside, we humans are all the same. Asian dating for me is not any different than dating a caucasian woman when it comes right down to it. Everyone has the same emotions and needs in life. We all need food and shelter. We all want to feel loved. Most of us have compassion for others, and a drive to succeed. Women are woman and men are men. It’s really that simple.

However, for those of you out there who are curious about dating outside of your own race and want to know the drill before you jump in with both feet, let me point out a few of the biggest differences between dating Asian woman vs. caucasian (besides the fact that Asian women kiss differently than western women):

Asian dating is more calm

Let’s face it. We Americans, on the whole, are loud and brash. We say what we feel, are not afraid to be loud, and don’t always appreciate other’s feelings as much as we should. It’s not like we are trying to be rough around the edges – it’s just the way we are and we all tend to accept it as normal. This doesn’t fly in most Asian cultures – especially in South Korea and Japan. As a western person dating someone from Asia, you need to be cognizant of the fact that their culture is generally a lot calmer and quieter than ours is, and blurting out things before thinking about it will get you in trouble. Fast.

Asian dating will make you a better person

This is actually a continuation of the point above, but it’s important enough to be it’s own thing. Yes, it is true that dating an Asian will make you a better person. You will learn to be more calm, learn to appreciate the feeling of others better, and you will start seeing the world through their eyes. For the record, I love the US. It’s my home. My country. I wouldn’t change my culture if I could. That being said, dating women from Asia has shown me how much of an asshole I really am at times. I don’t mean to say things so harshly – it’s my culture, and being called out on it from someone from a completely different culture has helped me to grow as a person.

Asian dating will test your patience

I’ve just pointed out how dating someone from Asia will make you a calmer, better person. But it doesn’t happen overnight, and you will get annoyed by someone pointing out your bad points from time to time. It’s natural to feel defensive when being called out like that, so don’t worry if you feel your blood boiling when he or she tells you that what you’ve said offended them when you honestly didn’t mean anything bad by it. Just remember – if you love this person enough, making the effort to appreciate their culture is the key to a long and happy relationship.

I’m actually going to give away the big secret to hitting on that cute Asian girl at work right here in the beginning of the article (just because I think it’s that important): quite simply, do not do it. If you value your job and your overall happiness, do not even think about hitting on someone you work with. I speak from experience on this one, and despite how innocent and fun you may think this would be, 99% of the time it ends very badly. Here’s why:

• Being distracted at work is never a good thing. You’ll spend more time thinking about that person and worrying about how well things are (or are not) going between you and them rather than focusing on the job you need to pay your bills.
• You will be miserable every moment you are at work – as if you weren’t already before. You will overanalyze every interaction, feel bad when you feel like you are being ignored, and devastated when they go out to lunch with someone else instead of you.
• When things go bad (and they will, trust me), being at work near that person will be the last place you want to be. Seriously – you’ll be wishing you were scrubbing toilet bowls in a busy truck stop in the middle of Nebraska rather than being at work near that person.

I could probably go on forever about how bad it is to date (or even be attracted to) someone that you work with, but I’ve been in this situation many times and I know exactly how easy it is to get lured in by that cutie sitting across from you who always smiles when you walk by.

If for whatever reason you can’t shake the desire to hit on her in hopes of sweeping her off her feet and living happily ever after together, I offer you this advice:

• Don’t freaking do it. I’m very serious about this!
• Start very (very) slow. Notice how she interacts with others. Is she super friendly and bubbly to everyone, or is she noticeably nicer to you than she is to everyone else?
• If you sense a bit of attraction on her part, crank things up a notch by asking her to lunch. If she says no, then leave it at that and forget about it right then and there. At least you know where you stand.
• If she agrees, go to lunch with her but do not treat it like a date. You are simply two colleagues enjoying lunch together.
• You’re on your own at this point – if it goes well, keep hanging out away from work. AWAY from work is the key point here. If anyone in the office gets wind that the two of you are a thing, you risk getting fired. Yes, that really does happen – I’ve seen it happen twice in my career so far.

The bottom line is that you need to exercise extreme caution about showing affection towards someone else in the workplace. Not only for your career, but for your own mental health as well. Because when things go wrong (and they will), you are stuck there at work with that person and there’s nothing you can do about it unless one of you quits. Its a messy situation for all involved.

Now that I’ve written some compelling reasons for the white guys to date Asian women, it’s time to turn the tables around and trying convincing you Asian ladies why it’s so great to date a western (white) men. I’m going to try and write this as objectively as I can since I am a white guy myself and I don’t want this to sound like I’m only writing this for my own good. There are some really good reasons to date white guys – I promise you that. I’m not just writing this because I think so highly of myself.

I would like to point out, especially for you women born and raised in Japan and Korea, dating a white guy from anywhere else in the world could be a jarring experience if you aren’t prepared for it. The rest of the world isn’t so modest and respectful as your culture, so be prepared for that when you’re ready to start seeking a relationship with a western man. He will be a bit louder than you’re expecting. He won’t be so modest. And he might use a bit more sarcasm in his tone than you’re used to hearing. But once you get past these cultural differences, you may find the experience of dating caucasian men to be a refreshing and exciting change.

Here are three really good reasons for Asian women to date white guys:

1). Dating a western man will expose (and condition) you to the western world.

I realize this might not be an important thing for some women, but those with an adventurous spirit and a desire to learn and grow will gain a lot by dating a white man from a western country. It’s a big world out there – a world dominated by western cultures (whether we like to admit it or not), so getting acquainted with those cultures and ways of life is often seen as a way to grow both personally and professionally.

2). Dating a western man will teach you how to be a stronger woman.

Before you bash me for calling all Asain women weak, please note that I realize that isn’t true. I’ve known some pretty strong (mentally and physically) women from all parts of Asia, but I think you’d have to agree with me that on average, Asian women are not as strong as their western counterparts. This isn’t a bad thing – as a matter of fact, I personally find the modesty and respectful demeanor of most Asian women to be quite attractive. As a matter of fact, that’s exactly why I started dating Asian women in the first place. All I’m trying to say is that western cultures are generally more aggressive, and being around a western man and getting to know his ways can be quite beneficial to any Asian woman wanting to become a stronger person.

3). You will have the opportunity to make him a better person.

Let’s face it – western men are generally pretty rough around the edges. I should know…I’m one of them. We aren’t as polite as we should be, we don’t respect others enough, and we don’t take the time to appreciate the little things in life. We are far from perfect, and I believe that every single one of us has a desire inside to learn how to be better in every way possible. Your Asian culture is what we need to see how bad some of our western habits really are, and we need you to show us how we can do things better. Remember not to push us too hard though (no man likes a nagging girlfriend) – but gently guiding us in the right direction is something we can all benefit from.

If you’ve never dated a white guy before, there’s no better time to give it a try. Online dating makes this very easy, and if you are living in a western country already, it’s even easier. Don’t be afraid – reach out and see what you find. It’ll likely be unlike any other relationship you’ve had in your life thus far, but it may be the most satisfying based on how different the experience will be.

Speaking from my own experience as a white guy born and raised in the midwestern US, becoming attracted to Asian women for the first time when I was in my early 20’s was probably the best thing that ever happened to my love life. Up until that point in my life, I had never dated anyone but caucasian women and I can honestly say that I hadn’t had a single relationship that I would have considered entirely satisfying. I think the biggest problem for me was that I have a bit of a shy and introverted personality, which doesn’t seem to be attractive to a majority of western women. The white girls like white boys who are strong and daring, and unfortunately, I don’t think I had either of those traits as I was growing up. Yeah, it was a awkward childhood, and I’ve got some pretty deep scars from relationships gone horribly wrong.

But at 22, I found my attraction weaning towards the far east, where the women were beautiful, respectful, and appreciated guys like me who were anything but macho. Now before I go any further, I think it’s important to note that I’m not saying that all western woman are crude and disrespectful – I’m simply speaking about averages here. The average Asian woman is different than the average caucasian woman. I don’t think anyone can disagree with me on that.

Here then, based on my own personal experiences, are 3 reasons why I think you white guys should date an Asian woman:

You will be loved for who you are – not what you look like

As I mentioned above, “macho” (big muscles, MMA-type, etc) is not such an attractive thing for most Asian women. Sure, all women would like their men to be strong, but that means different things in different parts of the world. Most guys here in the US think that hitting they gym will give them a better chance of being noticed by the ladies. In Asia, it’s the boyish-looking bookworm who’s more likely to be noticed.

You will be respected

When it comes to honor and respect for others, there’s really no comparison between the US / Europe and Asia. Asian cultures are built around respect and appreciation for others, and being kind and giving is simply a way of life. If you are tired of western woman not giving you the respect you deserve, go out and date an Asian woman or two – it will totally change your perception on what love and sharing really is.

You will get to travel and experience new cultures

Ok, I know this one seems a bit odd, but it remains to this day as one of my top reasons for wanting to date women from Asia. I hadn’t traveled very much in the first 22 years of my life, but my mind was blown the first time I set foot outside the US. The reason for that trip was to visit a girl, and well…let’s just say that sparked a lifelong passion for travel and immersing myself in new and different cultures. If you meet an Asian woman online, you will likely be traveling to visit her and her family on a semi-frequent basis. If you have a passion for this kind of travel and a very open mind, this will become a very nice benefit of seeking love outside the borders of your own country.

There are a lot of other really good reasons to find your soulmate somewhere in the heart of Asia, but these are the top three based on my 20-year experience of dating Asian women. Your own results my vary, but I’m willing to bet that you’ll discover the same things I have – and maybe a few of your own based on the type of woman you find.