There are pros and cons to dating a Japanese girl (proceed at your own risk)

By Doug •  8 min read

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I do know a few things. For example, I know how to cook a grilled cheese sandwich like nobody’s business. I know how to clean the gunk off of the inside of a 20 year old dishwasher really good. Most importantly, I know all about the pros and cons of dating a Japanese girl.

I’ve been married to a Japanese woman for over 10 years now, and I’ve learned a lot from that experience. The most important thing is that it has been nothing like I expected it would be. We have our good days, and we have our bad days, but overall it’s been pretty great. The best to explain what it has been like it’s to talk about both the good and the bad.

All the pros and cons of dating a Japanese girl

I clearly remember what I was thinking when I first started dating my wife (I met her using JapanCupid). She wasn’t the first Japanese girl that I had ever dated. Even though I sort of knew what to expect, it was exciting thinking that I was getting really serious with someone with a different culture other than my own. It was both exciting, and really scary!

Here are all the pros and cons that I’ve experienced over the past 10 years or so when I comes to dating (and living with) a Japanese woman:


scenes from japan


It’s a good idea to date a Japanese girl if:

  1. You have a deep interest in learning a new culture. Not only that, accepting it fully and adopting some of it into your own daily lifestyle is almost required.
  2. You have patience. Japanese culture is generally slower and more careful than western culture, so you definitely need to be patient when dating a girl from Japan. As a matter fact, that may be the most important thing to know about the pros and cons about dating Japanese girl.

It’s not a good idea to date a Japanese girl if:

  1. You’re easily frustrated by someone taking a long time trying to learn a new culture (especially yours). It’s going to take her some time to learn how to adapt to you and your culture, and you need to have a willingness to help her out in any way possible. Speaking from my own experience, showing any bit of frustration when she’s struggling trying to figure out a certain English word or mannerism is a sure fire way to get her angry at you. Don’t ask me how I know this…
  2. You’re too set in your ways. For example, my wife and I got married to each other in our 30s, and by that time, we were old enough that we were set too deeply in our ways to be able to change relatively quickly. Getting married in our 30s was difficult enough, but then having to drastically change our lifestyles to conform to each other‘s culture was another challenge on top of that. Just make sure you’re thinking all this through before you decide to go through with it.
  3. You’re only doing it because you think it’s going to be easy. This couldn’t be further from the truth! Asian women won’t automatically like you because you’re white. As a matter of fact, I’d argue that they are less likely to be attracted to you because of it.

Final thoughts to consider when considering dating a woman from Japan

If you are thinking about getting into a long term relationship, I’d highly recommend reading my pros and cons list of marrying a Japanese woman. It’s the perfect companion to this article, since it goes deeper into all the ways that western men and Japanese women are different (and what you can expect far into the future).

The most important thing to know when it comes to dating Japanese girls is that you need to have patience and understanding. It’s definitely not as exciting and glamorous as it may seem, and this is all because of how unique and amazing the Japanese culture is. Some people from western countries have a hard time adapting to it, so you really have to know what you’re getting yourself into before proceeding.

Just have patience, take your time, and approach it with a completely open mind. It’s worth the struggle!


Doug is just an ordinary white guy living in the midwestern United States. He's been married to an amazing Japanese woman since 2010, and has created to share his experiences with international dating and marriage (the good and the bad),

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