I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I do know a few things. For example, I know how to cook a grilled cheese sandwich like nobody’s business. I know how to clean the gunk off of the inside of a 20 year old dishwasher really good. Most importantly, I know all about the pros and cons of dating a Japanese girl.
I’ve been married to a Japanese woman for over 10 years now, and I’ve learned a lot from that experience. The most important thing is that it has been nothing like I expected it would be. We have our good days, and we have our bad days, but overall it’s been pretty great. The best to explain what it has been like it’s to talk about both the good and the bad.
All the pros and cons of dating a Japanese girl
I clearly remember what I was thinking when I first started dating my wife (I met her using JapanCupid). She wasn’t the first Japanese girl that I had ever dated. Even though I sort of knew what to expect, it was exciting thinking that I was getting really serious with someone with a different culture other than my own. It was both exciting, and really scary!
Here are all the pros and cons that I’ve experienced over the past 10 years or so when I comes to dating (and living with) a Japanese woman:
Pros
- Japanese culture is all about respect and honor for others, so you can expect that she will treat you very well. Most Japanese girls are kind, polite, and will do most anything to make you happy. Just make sure you return the favor!
- Even if she can’t cook, the food she eats is far likely to be tastier than what you’re currently eating. My wife doesn’t cook, but she makes some of the most delicious little snacks out of rice and seaweed that I’ve ever tasted. I’d likely burn the house down trying to replicate the same thing, but I’ve never met a Japanese person who couldn’t whip up a tasty snack or two. That’s not racist by the way. It’s just my own observation, and a very generous compliment.
- Japanese girls tend to be slightly less materialistic than western girls. Again, that’s a very broad generalization, but that’s just what I’ve seen in my own experience. Yes, Japanese girls are extremely into fashion and beauty. However, I’ve met very few who needed to have the biggest, best, and most expensive frivolous things in order to live a happy life.
- I’ve never met a Japanese girl who wasn’t obsessed with cleanliness and organization. My wife is constantly organizing everything in our house in order to minimize clutter and keep things neat. As somewhat messy person myself, this is a massive plus.
- Japanese girls tend to be open-minded and more willing to date outside of their own race. For example, Japanese girls like black guys more than you might expect.
- Your opportunity for travel will dramatically increase. Japanese people are extremely attached to their homeland, and getting into a relationship with a Japanese girl means that you are likely to be traveling to Japan often. What’s not to like about traveling to Japan? If you’ve never been there, you’re in for a treat. It’s an extremely interesting and beautiful place.
- Knowing how to tell if a Japanese woman likes you is relatively easy. If the only dating experience you have is with western woman, dating in Japan will seem easy. Japanese woman give out very clear signals when they like someone.
Cons
- If you’re a western guy thinking about dating someone from Japan, this is probably the most important point in this article: Japanese culture is extremely different from western culture, and you have to be fully prepared to accept it and adopt it as your own. Not respecting Japanese customs and culture is a sure fire way to get dumped by a Japanese girl fast.
- For the most part, Japanese girls don’t like loud and aggressive boys. Of course everybody is different and I know that I’m making broad generalizations again, but she’s not likely to stick with you very long if you are a loud and aggressive talker. Again, Japanese culture is kind, polite, and reserve. You’ll have difficulty fitting in with her and her family if you’ve got a bold and pompous attitude towards everything.
- Another con about dating a Japanese girl is that they are extremely attached to Japan. Of course there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but you have to understand that if she’s moving from Japan to live with you in your country, it won’t be long until she starts feeling homesick and starts to think about going back. My wife started having those feelings about five years into our marriage, and we both know that there is going to be a point where she is going to go back. Alone. We love each other very much, but we realize that we are very different and that he would be more comfortable dying of old age in our own countries. It’s sad, but true.
- I’m probably going to get a lot of crap for this, but I’m going to say it anyway: On average, Japanese women don’t drive very well. If you live in a country where cars are the primary source of transportation, and she comes to live with you, chances are pretty good that she’s going to need to get a drivers license. Chances are also very good that she’s going to wreck your car at some point. And please – before you contact me and write a scathing note about how culturally insensitive I am, do you have to note that I am mentioning this in a fun / sarcastic manner. As a white guy living in the United States, there’s a lot of things you could make fun about me. As a matter fact, I do it all the time, and perfectly healthy. It’s OK to laugh at generalizations sometimes!
It’s a good idea to date a Japanese girl if:
- You have a deep interest in learning a new culture. Not only that, accepting it fully and adopting some of it into your own daily lifestyle is almost required.
- You have patience. Japanese culture is generally slower and more careful than western culture, so you definitely need to be patient when dating a girl from Japan. As a matter fact, that may be the most important thing to know about the pros and cons about dating Japanese girl.
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It’s not a good idea to date a Japanese girl if:
- You’re easily frustrated by someone taking a long time trying to learn a new culture (especially yours). It’s going to take her some time to learn how to adapt to you and your culture, and you need to have a willingness to help her out in any way possible. Speaking from my own experience, showing any bit of frustration when she’s struggling trying to figure out a certain English word or mannerism is a sure fire way to get her angry at you. Don’t ask me how I know this…
- You’re too set in your ways. For example, my wife and I got married to each other in our 30s, and by that time, we were old enough that we were set too deeply in our ways to be able to change relatively quickly. Getting married in our 30s was difficult enough, but then having to drastically change our lifestyles to conform to each other‘s culture was another challenge on top of that. Just make sure you’re thinking all this through before you decide to go through with it.
- You’re only doing it because you think it’s going to be easy. This couldn’t be further from the truth! Asian women won’t automatically like you because you’re white. As a matter of fact, I’d argue that they are less likely to be attracted to you because of it.
Final thoughts to consider when considering dating a woman from Japan
If you are thinking about getting into a long term relationship, I’d highly recommend reading my pros and cons list of marrying a Japanese woman. It’s the perfect companion to this article, since it goes deeper into all the ways that western men and Japanese women are different (and what you can expect far into the future).
The most important thing to know when it comes to dating Japanese girls is that you need to have patience and understanding. It’s definitely not as exciting and glamorous as it may seem, and this is all because of how unique and amazing the Japanese culture is. Some people from western countries have a hard time adapting to it, so you really have to know what you’re getting yourself into before proceeding.
Just have patience, take your time, and approach it with a completely open mind. It’s worth the struggle!
Doug
My name is Doug, and I'm an ordinary white guy living in the US. 10 years ago I married a Japanese woman that I met online, and it's been an adventure to say the least! I started AsiaGraphix.com as a way to share all the lessons I've learned about dating (and ultimately marrying) an Asian woman.
Subscribe to my mailing list and I’ll send you a checklist of 15 ultra-clever ways to get her to notice you.
