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white guys and Japanese women sex

3 things white men need to know about having sex with a Japanese woman

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If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve already read my post about the things every white guy should not do to his Asian girlfriend. That post was more about general relationship things, not so much about the sexual side of the relationship. This one’s going to be a little bit different! If you’ve been waiting for me to expand a bit more sexually on that post that I wrote so long ago, this is your lucky day because I’m about to give you a detailed lesson ways to keep your Japanese girlfriend happy in bed.

I’ve been dating Japanese women for all of my adult life, and as a matter fact I have been married to a Japanese woman for the past 10 years. I am a Caucasian guy born and raised in the mid western United States, so it goes without saying that my wife and I share two completely different cultures and more often than not it’s a struggle trying to make compromises to keep each other happy. But we manage to do it and it’s been a very good relationship so far.

Believe it or not, the area which we seem to be on the same page the most is in the bedroom. It’s probably because there’s very little talking involved, so there’s no chance of either of us saying something that the other doesn’t understand because it’s culturally opposite to what we know. I’m telling you, Japanese and US culture is completely opposite from one another and I could write an entire post about the struggles my wife and I have your daily lives trying to mix the two. That a topic for another post, for now, let’s get back to the bedroom.

3 things every white guy must do to keep Japanese women happy in bed

1. Don’t be so aggressive

It goes without saying that most white guys grew up watching nothing but western pornography which consists of things like gang rape, anal, choking, and lots of slapping. Of course you’ll find all those kinds of things in Japanese porn as well, but it’s much harder to find and it’s definitely not mainstream. What I’m trying to say is that western sex culture and Japanese sex culture is completely opposite, and you’re not going to get very far if you grab your Japanese girlfriend by the arm with force and tell her (with an angry voice) that you’re going fuck the shit out of her.

Japanese sex is generally slower and more respectful of one another, which to me, can be just as hot (if not hotter) than aggressive intercourse. If you’re throwing her around and being overly forceful with her body, she’s not going to enjoy it and the chances of you getting the chance to be with her again will be slim to none.

2. Pheromones work with Japanese women

For those of you unfamiliar with pheromones, they are chemical scents that can trigger a response in members of the opposite sex. They are not drugs, and they are 100% natural and legal. From all the evidence that I have seen, they work. More interestingly, based on what I’ve heard, pheromones work with Japanese women particularly well.

I hadn’t even heard of pheromones while I was single and dating, it wasn’t until after I was married that I had first learned about how effective they are. I still have a lot of single friends (caucasian men) who are actively dating and swear by the use of pheromones.

And just to reiterate – NO, these are not date rape drugs. Pheromones are scents that you place on your own body (like cologne) which will naturally attract and stimulate the senses of those around you. They’ve been used for centuries by both men and women all over the world, and are proven to work. My single white guy friends say that they are essential tool to attract Japanese women, and I’m a bit bummed that I’m not single anymore. Because lord knows I needed all the help I could get…

3. Even though she says yes, she might be saying no

This is the biggest thing that I struggle with as a white man living with a Japanese woman. Japanese culture is so different from my own, and for me, saying no is something that I don’t even hesitate with and I’m not afraid to say it.

My wife on the other hand, is often afraid to say no and it stems directly from her Japanese culture. The Japanese are more respectful of one another than American’s are, and saying no is often seen as something very negative. That’s why I couldn’t believe it the first time we had sex and she said yes to everything that I asked her to do. It’s not like I was asking for a really kinky stuff or anything, but she’s very shy and timid in daily life, and she had no problem going with the flow and agreeing to anything that I suggested in bed.

Of course it wasn’t until about a year later (when I knew her personality in and out) that I knew that all of those “yes’s” mostly meant “no’s”. She was just being polite, and thinking back on it, I feel really bad for the things I asked her to do. The bottom line is to be respectful of her culture and to know that just because she says yes, doesn’t mean that she’s totally into it. The look on her face and/or the tension of her body should speak volumes, and if you’re not sure that she’s totally into whatever it is that you’re suggesting, just back off.

As a western guy who has dated Asian women his entire adult life, being with an Asian women is ironically one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever done in life. Women are very emotional creatures, and combine that with a culture that is very different from your Western culture, it can create some very difficult and awkward situations – situations that can be avoided if you just take the time to understand how to avoid them.

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The top five non-Asian cities for white men to meet Asian women

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I’ve been traveling all over the world for 20 years now, and I’ve seen quite a bit. From Asia to Europe to North America South America and everything in between, I think I’ve got a pretty good sense of what this world is like and what’s happening where. Now, I’m not saying that I am an expert in all things related to geography and the cultures of the world, but I have been around and I’d like to think that I’ve learned a thing or two from my extensive travels.

One the questions I get asked the most as a blogger who writes about relationships between white men and Asian women is:

What are the best cities in the world for white men to meet Asian women without going to Asia?

Well, I’ve got good news for you – I can think of several right off the top of my head that might surprise you, which I know for a fact is what all of you white men out there looking for a relationship with an Asian woman (and Asian women who are looking for a relationship with a white man) want to hear. It’s not always necessary to start your search in Asia!

The top five cities (not in Asia) for white men to meet Asian women

1. San Francisco

OK, I’ll totally admit that this was the obvious first choice, but it’s the first choice for a reason! The Asian population in San Francisco is the most dense in the US, and therefore it’s the place to be in the United States if you are a white man looking to meet an Asian woman without going online. Take a walk down any major street in the city of San Francisco, and if you were dropped there blindfolded without having any idea where you were at, chances are pretty good that you would guess “Asia”.

Not only does the city of San Francisco have one of the highest Asian populations in United States, it’s also one of the top destinations in the US for Asian tourists. Therefore, whereever you go in the city, you will see in nearly 1:1 ratio of Asian to Caucasian people. If you’re a white guy in the US who’s having it difficult to find a time or resources to go to Asia, San Francisco is your best bet by far.

2. Vancouver Canada

Now, I’ll fully admit that this one shocked me as well. I’ve always known that Canada as a whole is very popular with Asians (both as a place to live as well as a place to visit), mostly due to how easy it is to enter Canada compared to the United States. Asians looking for a North American experience find it much easier to enter Canada than they do to enter the US, so it’s no surprise that any major city in Canada is popular with Asian people.

However, thanks to being situated right along the West Coast, Vancouver is simply on another level. In a recent visit, I couldn’t believe the number of Asian people from all regions that I saw (Korea, Japan, China, Thailand, Philippines, etc.) – San Francisco is the only other city in the world I found that rivals Vancouver in terms of beautiful Asian women walking the streets and I’d recommend it to any white guy anywhere in the world.

3. Reykjavik, Iceland

Yup, I can totally hear you slapping your forehead in amazement, and I don’t blame you. You weren’t expecting Reykjavik as being a place to find beautiful Asian women walking the streets, were you? Now, I do need to clarify that “walking the streets” does not mean that there are Asian prostitutes on every street corner. What I mean is that Iceland is a very popular tourist destination for Asians, and you might be amazed with the density of Asian population here at any given time.

It was hard to put my finger on what Asian countries were the most represented in Reykjavik, but based on my brief experience there I would have to say that it was mostly Asians from Northern countries such as Japan and Korea. I guess it kind of makes sense because I can’t imagine people from southern Asian countries such as Thailand and Singapore wanting to visit a cold place. I’m sure it happens, but it’s probably not all that common.

4. London England

I’m not totally sure what it is about London that attracts Asian people so much, but every time I go there I’m just amazed at the number of Asian tourists I see up and down every street. I’ve also been told by some of my Asian women friends in the past that most Asian women find Harry Potter extremely attractive and that’s part of the lure of England.

London also happens to be the place where most Asians think of when want to experience a place where English is the primary language. At least that’s what I’ve been told. Of course I can be totally way off on that comment, but it seems to be something I’ve heard over and over again and I guess I’m believing it to be true. So – for all of you white guys in Europe looking for the highest population of Asian women closest to you, it’s definitely London.

5. Toronto Canada

Everything that I said about Vancouver just a few paragraphs above is the same for Toronto. As a whole, Canada seems to be the place where most Asians tend to end up in North America, and I’ve been told by several guys in Toronto that it’s a hotbed of activity and they have no problem meeting Asian women they’re attracted to.

As a fun experiment, next time you’re talking to an Asian woman, ask her about the last time that she has been in Toronto. Chances are really good that she’s been there before, and I’ve only met but a few Asian women who have never been to the place at all.

Final things to keep in mind about meeting Asian women in countries all over the world

I still fully believe that if you’re a white man looking to meet an Asian woman, your best bet is to go to Asia in the first place. Yes, it’s totally possible to meet Asian women (tourists and locals) in other parts of the world, but your chances will be much higher simply due to how to dense most of Asia is. And considering the fact that most all women there are Asian, well, it doesn’t take a rocket science to figure out that Asia is the place to be if you are a white guy with a preference for Asian women.

On the flipside, think how much of a good impression you can make on an Asian woman who is visiting a country for the first time and is looking for help from locals (like you) to learn the place and figure out what to see and do. Make an effort to be involved in activities which helps tourists such as these (as a tour guide or a participant in some other type of tourist business catering to Asians) and it won’t be long until you’ll be making new friends.

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5 easy ways to make that cute Asian girl like you

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Okay, I fully admit that the premise of this article is stupid, and because of that, there is something I need to say before I go any further: I’ve been on this planet for 43 years now, and if there’s anything that I’ve learned along the way, it’s that you simply cannot force somebody like you. Other people will simply like you or they will not – there’s very little that you can do to change someone’s mind and their perception of who you are as a person. So don’t get your hopes up that what I’m about to tell you is the magic cure-all for your dating problems.

However, there are ways you can improve your chances to get closer to that cute Asian girl of your dreams. These tips and tricks are not about changing her mind, but are more geared toward changing your own personality and mannerisms to better match that of the Asian girl mindset. Ready to begin? Let’s go!

Stop being so loud and aggressive

If you are attracted to a woman from Japan or Korea, this is especially important. Japanese and Korean culture is based on honor and respect for others, which unfortunately, is a hard thing for us Western men to grasp sometimes. There is good in all of us and it may seem like it would be easy to be more compassionate and understanding when talking with women from this part of Asia, but our natural instincts to be bold and assertive sometimes shine through it the most inappropriate of moments. In other words, don’t high-five her mother the first time you meet her. Being calm, cool, and quiet is the fastest way to get the attention of an Asian woman.

Respect your family

This might seem like a somewhat odd dating tip, but family relationships are extremely important in Asian culture. If you hate your family with passion and can’t take the time to visit and do things for them even though you only live 10 miles away, it’s going to be quite detrimental to your chances of winning the heart of your Asian crash.

Start listening to music from her own country

Wanna to blow her mind? Get to know and listen to music from her homeland. This one isn’t so easy, I admit, because it was personally very difficult for me to get into J Pop or K Pop when I was dating Japanese and Korean women. That stuff is weird – and there were only a few bands that I could ever find that I somewhat liked, but mentioning a popular band from thier country was the perfect way to get to know someone I was attracted to. This really works – try it yourself, and watch her eyes bulge out of her head with amazement.

Carry a man bag

This is another tip that’s gonna be tough for all you Midwestern farm boys out there who think “dressing up” is a pair of crocodile-skinned cowboy boots and a button up flannel shirt. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that – you have to be true to your roots and be yourself, but most Asian women aren’t going to find that very attractive. Want to know what’s in style all across Asia? Think business casual. Unfortunately, business casual also means man bags. Nearly every Asian woman that I dated gave me a gift of a man bag at one point or another, and all I could do was smile and thank them for their generosity when all I wanted to do was throw it in the nearest dumpster. I was one of those Midwestern farm boys at one time, so going out in public with a man bag over my shoulder took some time to get used to.

Talk about food

One of the most interesting things to me about dating Asian women is the fact that discussion always seemed to revolve around food. Compared to Western women, Asian women have a passion for food that I have not seen anywhere else in the world. This is easily found by browsing profiles of nearly any Asian girl on Instagram. You will quickly see that a majority of the posts are pictures of food, and more specifically, desserts. If you can talk about food with passion and a slight bit of knowledge (it doesn’t need to be much) you’re in. I’ve never met an Asian girl who didn’t like talking about food.

In conclusion, you are never going to be able to make someone really like you when they really don’t, and if by chance you get lucky to get her to go out of date with you after years of begging and pleading, you have to ask yourself if it’s a relationship you really want to be in anyway. Why chase after somebody who doesn’t want you? Trust me – I dated women from Asia for many years before I got married, and every time I had to chase ended up being a complete waste of time for both of us. But I eventually learned how to change my own mindset to be more mentally attractive to these women and I had better luck once I started applying some of the principles I talked about above.

Take your time with this. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and it takes time to find the perfect balance of changing your mindset without changing who you are, while at the same time attracting more women. Good luck!

Meeting Asian women online

White guys: here’s what you need to know about meeting Asian women online

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If I were granted three wishes, one of them (without a doubt) would be being allowed to go back in time to about 2005 or so with the knowledge I have now about meeting Asian women online. I didn’t know anything back then – I was just a typical American white guy in his late 20’s with very little appreciation of Asian culture who just blurted out anything he was feeling in playful sarcastic tones. This doesn’t fly in Japanese and Korean culture.

I absolutely destroyed a few good relationships with Japanese women back then due to my ignorance of their culture. Basically, I was saying the wrong things with the wrong tone of voice, and I didn’t even realize that I was being rude and inconsiderate. What is considered normal behavior here in the US is absolutely not normal in the far east. Live and learn I guess – I just wish I could go back in time and slap myself silly for not taking care to understand the differences between my own culture and theirs. I’ll bet a few of those women still think of me as an inconsiderate asshole.

Not understanding the culture and failure to learn what not to say in certain situations is probably the most important thing that white guys need to know about meeting Asian woman online in chatrooms or on dating sites like JapanCupid or KoreanCupid. But there are a few other really other important things to know:

Japanese women generally wait for the guy to make the first move

“Generally” is the key word here. When I first met my wife online (at JapanCupid), she was actually a lot more aggressive about moving the relationship along than I was expecting. But every other Japanese woman I met before her tended to sit quietly and not say anything affectionate until I said it first. This is very different from US (and western) culture, so don’t be put off if you think she really isn’t into you. Start being a bit affectionate towards her, and see what happens. If she responds in kind, you’re good. If not, it may be time to move in.

You are going to have to travel if you want to meet Asian women online.

I’d wager that this isn’t a problem for most guys, but there are some out there I’m sure can’t stand the thought of sitting on an airplane for 14 hours. My advice? Get over it. If you meet a nice girl somewhere in Asia, you are going to have to visit her every now and then or else the relationship simply isn’t going to work. Travel is a good thing actually – even if your relationship with her doesn’t work out, just having had the experience of diving head first into a new-to-you culture is something you can carry with you for the rest of your life.

You will write a lot trying to meet women from Asia online

If you don’t like writing, I’m afraid that meeting women from the far east online is going to turn into an unpleasant chore really fast. Some women prefer texting. Some prefer email. There are some that even prefer both! But when it comes right down to it, she’s going to want constant contact with you if she’s even remotely interested. Make sure you have the time commitment (and a desire to write) before you make the decision to meet Asian gals online, because if you don’t, you’re likely to revert back to the relative simplicity of meeting women in your local area.