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white guys and Japanese women sex

3 things white men need to know about having sex with a Japanese woman

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If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve already read my post about the things every white guy should not do to his Asian girlfriend. That post was more about general relationship things, not so much about the sexual side of the relationship. This one’s going to be a little bit different! If you’ve been waiting for me to expand a bit more sexually on that post that I wrote so long ago, this is your lucky day because I’m about to give you a detailed lesson ways to keep your Japanese girlfriend happy in bed.

I’ve been dating Japanese women for all of my adult life, and as a matter fact I have been married to a Japanese woman for the past 10 years. I am a Caucasian guy born and raised in the mid western United States, so it goes without saying that my wife and I share two completely different cultures and more often than not it’s a struggle trying to make compromises to keep each other happy. But we manage to do it and it’s been a very good relationship so far.

Believe it or not, the area which we seem to be on the same page the most is in the bedroom. It’s probably because there’s very little talking involved, so there’s no chance of either of us saying something that the other doesn’t understand because it’s culturally opposite to what we know. I’m telling you, Japanese and US culture is completely opposite from one another and I could write an entire post about the struggles my wife and I have your daily lives trying to mix the two. That a topic for another post, for now, let’s get back to the bedroom.

3 things every white guy must do to keep Japanese women happy in bed

1. Don’t be so aggressive

It goes without saying that most white guys grew up watching nothing but western pornography which consists of things like gang rape, anal, choking, and lots of slapping. Of course you’ll find all those kinds of things in Japanese porn as well, but it’s much harder to find and it’s definitely not mainstream. What I’m trying to say is that western sex culture and Japanese sex culture is completely opposite, and you’re not going to get very far if you grab your Japanese girlfriend by the arm with force and tell her (with an angry voice) that you’re going fuck the shit out of her.

Japanese sex is generally slower and more respectful of one another, which to me, can be just as hot (if not hotter) than aggressive intercourse. If you’re throwing her around and being overly forceful with her body, she’s not going to enjoy it and the chances of you getting the chance to be with her again will be slim to none.

2. Pheromones work with Japanese women

For those of you unfamiliar with pheromones, they are chemical scents that can trigger a response in members of the opposite sex. They are not drugs, and they are 100% natural and legal. From all the evidence that I have seen, they work. More interestingly, based on what I’ve heard, pheromones work with Japanese women particularly well.

I hadn’t even heard of pheromones while I was single and dating, it wasn’t until after I was married that I had first learned about how effective they are. I still have a lot of single friends (caucasian men) who are actively dating and swear by the use of pheromones.

And just to reiterate – NO, these are not date rape drugs. Pheromones are scents that you place on your own body (like cologne) which will naturally attract and stimulate the senses of those around you. They’ve been used for centuries by both men and women all over the world, and are proven to work. My single white guy friends say that they are essential tool to attract Japanese women, and I’m a bit bummed that I’m not single anymore. Because lord knows I needed all the help I could get…

3. Even though she says yes, she might be saying no

This is the biggest thing that I struggle with as a white man living with a Japanese woman. Japanese culture is so different from my own, and for me, saying no is something that I don’t even hesitate with and I’m not afraid to say it.

My wife on the other hand, is often afraid to say no and it stems directly from her Japanese culture. The Japanese are more respectful of one another than American’s are, and saying no is often seen as something very negative. That’s why I couldn’t believe it the first time we had sex and she said yes to everything that I asked her to do. It’s not like I was asking for a really kinky stuff or anything, but she’s very shy and timid in daily life, and she had no problem going with the flow and agreeing to anything that I suggested in bed.

Of course it wasn’t until about a year later (when I knew her personality in and out) that I knew that all of those “yes’s” mostly meant “no’s”. She was just being polite, and thinking back on it, I feel really bad for the things I asked her to do. The bottom line is to be respectful of her culture and to know that just because she says yes, doesn’t mean that she’s totally into it. The look on her face and/or the tension of her body should speak volumes, and if you’re not sure that she’s totally into whatever it is that you’re suggesting, just back off.

As a western guy who has dated Asian women his entire adult life, being with an Asian women is ironically one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever done in life. Women are very emotional creatures, and combine that with a culture that is very different from your Western culture, it can create some very difficult and awkward situations – situations that can be avoided if you just take the time to understand how to avoid them.

marrying a Japanese woman

Advice from a white guy for living with a Japanese woman

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I’ve been married to my Japanese wife for over 7 years now, and I’ll going to be flat out honest with you other white guys when I say that it hasn’t been what I expected it to be. Maybe it’s because I grew up deep in the heart of the Midwestern US about as far from Asian culture as one could possibly get, but for some reason or another I thought that living with a Japanese woman would be amazingly simple and calm experience. Almost zen-like. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Don’t misunderstand me. I love my wife very much, and I would do nearly anything for her. But the idea that Japanese women (or any Asian woman for that matter) are more feminine and respectful of men is a flat out lie. In the 7 years I’ve been married to her, each passing year brings a deeper and much more asserted understanding that women are women – no matter where on earth they come from. They are all emotional, illogical, tempered, and confusing. There. I said it. Men have their bad traits too, and that’s not the point of this article (so I’m not going to get into it), but quite frankly, Asian women are no easier to live with than women from any other race.

As a matter of fact, I’d like to go down on record as saying that it can be even MORE difficult at times to live with an Asian woman. At least Japanese woman, which is where all of my experience is focused around.

Here is my advice for living with a Japanese woman:

1). Do what she tells you, or your life will be a living hell.

Since women are women no matter where they come from, you can expect a Japanese woman to carry (and sling) the same emotional baggage similar to most other women. Girls are just emotional creatures. BUT…the plot thickens with a Japanese woman, because she will be even more easily frustrated with you because of your crude western ways. Don’t kick things with your feet. Don’t say “no” too aggressively. She’ll tell you to fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the laundry basket. She’ll tell you all these things, and she’ll get emotional and combative about it when you tell her it’s hard to change because it goes against your western culture.

2). Learn to be neat and organized.

If you’re a naturally sloppy kind of guy, this one is gonna be tough, I know. Japanese culture is all about cleanliness and order. Your dirty feet, that pile of dirty clothes in the corner…these are the enemy to Japanese women, and she will nag you relentlessly to change your ways. Trust me – life becomes a lot simpler when you stop resisting and clean up after yourself.

3). Be prepared to defend western culture (and then realize how silly it is in the process).

As an American, I’m fully aware of how messed up our culture – and the government – can be at times. Unfortunately, as an outsider, my wife is even more baffled by it than I am and she loves to complain about the ways of the US and our view of the world. While I fully agree with her points most of the time, she lacks the perspective of being born and raised here and not seeing things from my point of view. This usually results in me inadvertently trying to justify the actions of the US government (which is silly) and this just adds fuel to her fire. More often than not these discussions end abruptly as I give up and walk out of the room in frustration.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time with the knowledge and understanding I have now, before we got married. I probably had set my expectations too high for marrying a Japanese woman, and I wasn’t mature enough to realize that it wasn’t going to be any better or worse than marrying a woman from another culture.

I do love her greatly though, and the past 7 years have been more good than bad. I don’t regret my decision at all. It’s been a fun challenge to say the least!

JapanCupid homepage screenshot

JapanCupid.com review

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For white guys looking to meet Japanese women, one of the best resources on the internet at the moment is japancupid.com. “At the moment” is probably the wrong choice of wording since it’s been around for a very long time and it was one of the first Asian dating sites I used starting way back in 2005. It’s so good, in fact, that I ended up marrying a woman I met there in 2009.

My personal experience with JapanCupid ended in 2009 obviously, but I have a handful of friends (both male and female) who use the site today and can back me up in my claim about it still being one of the best sources for Japanese-Western relationships out there today. Many Japanese women do like white guys, so if you’re a guy who’s been curious about dating in Asia, this is one of the first places you should start.

Like all online dating sites, there are some good and bad things about JapanCupid. Here then, based on my own personal experience and the experiences of people I know, are the good and bad points about this highly active Japanese dating site:

The good things about JapanCupid

  • The member database is huge. This is a highly popular dating site for men and women all over the world.
  • The site is simple and easy to use. It’s easy to check messages, browse new listings, and add favorites. Notifications are a big plus too.
  • I like the fact that it covers a very specific dating niche. Single white people people looking for single Japanese people (and vise versa), and everyone is there for the same reason.
  • It’s not necessarily a “hookup” site – in my experience, 99% of the women I met there were interested in long term relationships, which was exactly what I was looking for. This might seem like a negative to a lot of guys, but if you’re someone a bit older like me, you’ll likely see this as a plus.
  • I met my wife there. If that’s not proof enough that JapanCupid.com works, I don’t know what is.

The bad things about JapanCupid

  • There are a high number of “fake” accounts. This is purely speculation on my part, but I found that when things got slow (nobody was contacting me), I would get random “hello’s” from amazingly beautiful young Japanese women who would normally never be interested in a guy like me. None of them wrote back after I responded, so after a while I concluded that these were fake accounts generated by JapanCupid themselves to keep people (men) coming back to the site. All of my friends who still use this site today confirm it’s still happening.
  • Competition is fierce if you’re a guy. There are a LOT more men on the site than women, but honestly, that’s to be expected of any dating website.

In concludsion, the good far outweigh the bad. It’s no the perfect dating website by any means, but that’s to be expected when it comes to online dating. You need to act with caution just as you would in real life, and if you’re careful about it, you may just find the love of your life in Japan.

do not do this to your white boyfriend

Japanese and Korean girls: do NOT do this to your caucasian boyfriend

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Now that I’ve shared with you something that every white guy needs to avoid doing to his Asian girlfriend, it’s time to turn things around and offer some advice to the Asian ladies. As a white man who has dated his fair share of Asian women, I believe that I’m well qualified to speak on this matter. So listen up good – because I’ve got something to say.

For the most part, dating Asian woman (Japanese, Korean, Chinese, etc) has been a better fit for me than trying to make it work with caucasian women. Even though I’m whiter than white bread mass produced in Davenport Iowa, I pretty sure that I’ve got a bit of “Asian” in me that makes me gel better with the modesty of most far eastern Asian countries. I’m not the kind of aggressive and outspoken man that most American women tend to gravitate towards, so naturally, I’ve had better luck finding love in Asia.

That said, there are some common things that you Japanese and Korean women do that irritate the heck out of me and make me want to be alone for the rest of my life. I’ve got a long list of these issues, so I’m pushing my shame aside and choosing a few of the bigger ones to discuss:

  • I will not carry a man bag (or “murse” as they are sometimes called). Sorry, my “macho” American culture just won’t let me do it, and I am not trying to insult you when I tell you that it’s just not my style and that I’d rather not do it. Men in the US don’t carry purses. Sorry.
  • Don’t take things so darn personally. If I make a frown face, wrinkle my nose, and shake my head “no” when you ask me something, it does not mean that I think you made a stupid suggestion and that you’re annoying me. It’s just the American way of saying “no thank you” and it’s a really hard habit to let go of when I’m around you. Please don’t be upset with me if I forget.
  • Do not put cute stuffed animals in the back window of my car. You Japanese and Korean women know exactly what it is that I’m talking about, and I’d appreciate it very much if you stop trying to do that.

Of course I realize that there are some very big cultural differences at play between white men and Asian women, and I know that it requires patience for both when in a relationship together. All I’m saying is that the things you push on us are usually the most “un-manly” parts of your culture, and that’s a lot for a white guy to handle. Easing us into your customs is key – the relationship is unlikely to work if you force it on us all at once, so please be a bit patient as we learn the ways of being Asian.

mad asian girlfriend

White guys: do NOT do this to your Japanese or Korean girlfriend

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This one is aimed squarely at you, white guys. There are some things that we do that completely annoy Asian women (which I’ll get into in different articles), but this one tops them all. Trust me – it’s a mistake I’ve made several times, and it was after the third time that it happened that something clicked inside of my thick skull and made me realize that it is something that I should not be doing when dating Asian women.

What am I taking about? Well, this might sound kind of silly, but…sarcasm is something that white guys need to keep in check when starting a relationship with an Asian woman. At a very high level, yes, it’s ok to be funny. As a matter of fact, a bit of silliness is what many women (no matter their race, age, religious beliefs, etc) find attractive in a man. But us white guys – especially from the US, UK, and Australia, have a tendency to go too far when it comes to humor and jokes – farther than most Asian cultures are comfortable with. Our humor is more like sarcasm, which many times doesn’t translate well.

Sarcasm is a big turn off to Asian women

Making a joke of everything and being a bit sarcastic has backfired on me several times when dating women from Japan and Korea, and at first I couldn’t understand why things turned sour very suddenly after what seemed like a very good beginning to the relationship. I have the tendency to “let go” and let more of my silly personality show through the more I get to know a person, so when I first meet someone I’m as polite and cordial as can be. But then the true me starts to start showing through, the jokes come more fast and furious, and then…disaster.

There was one time (way back in 2005) that I was chatting online with a woman from Osaka Japan on a bright and early Sunday morning, and things seemed to be going as smoothly as always. I had known her for about two months at this point, and we had been getting along great as well as having a lot to talk about.

But then I made a silly joke about something she said, being a bit sarcastic, not taking care to think that she might not understand that sarcasm. Well, she took what I said the wrong way – she thought I was being serious, was offended, and ended the chat immediately without saying anything. At the time, the younger and stupider me honestly had no idea what had just happened. I thought it was just internet connectivity problems at first, but after the third day of not hearing from her, I knew something was wrong. It wasn’t until after reaching out to her that I learned that my sarcasm was taken the wrong way and she honestly thought I was insulting her. I felt terrible once I had realized what happened.

The sad thing is that I hadn’t learned from that mistake as well as I should have, and the same thing happened with several other women from Japan and Korea over the next few years. Yes, I’m a slow learner.

Don’t make the same mistake I did! Take things slow in the beginning – you can be a bit silly of course, but keep that sarcasm to a minimum if you want the relationship to grow past the first initial dates.