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dating korean women

Six valuable lessons I learned from dating Korean women

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Back in my single days, I dated women from a wide variety of east Asian countries. Looking back on it, I’d have to say that women from Korea were both the best AND worst in terms of being quality relationship material. Here are the six most valuable lessons (and interesting tidbits) I learned from dating Korean women over a span of about 15 years:

  1. Korean women are much like American women
  2. Korean women are extremely emotional
  3. Korean women can be incredibly flaky
  4. Every Korean woman that I’ve ever met has been able to out to eat me
  5. Korean women aren’t generally into white guys compared to women from other Asian countries

To be honest, my interest in Asian women started with the Japanese. It eventually morphed to an attraction to Chinese women once I realized my American personality might be too strong to date Japanese women.

Dating Korean women was different. Women from Korea are very different compared to women from other Asian countries, and it felt more like a natural fit for me. Of course, it wasn’t all fun and games either – since what I enjoyed about dating Asian women (the politeness, kindness, respect, etc.) was somewhat lost and I felt like I was dating American women. Which, leads me exactly to my first point:

Dating Korean women is a little bit different. Here’s why:

Before jumping into all the reasons why I think dating a Korean woman is a little bit different, I just want to say that these are my own personal experiences. I’m not proclaiming all of what I’m about to write to be scientific fact, but it’s data that I’ve personally gathered over 15 years of dating in Korea.

1. Korean women are very much like American women

As an American, I am very aware of how loud and obnoxious this culture can be sometimes. I’m not knocking it, but I’m not afraid to say the truth. I’ve been all over the world many times over, so when I compare myself and my American culture to what I’ve seen elsewhere, I can confidently say that were a little bit loud and crass sometimes.

So yeah – dating a Korean woman is very similar to dating an American women because of how similar the two cultures are. Korean culture is extremely outgoing and opinionated. Korean girls aren’t afraid to say what they think, and they tend to hold a lot of prejudice against other Asian countries.

I can’t even begin to count the number of times I started dating a new Korean woman only to have her go into a tirade against Japanese or Chinese people within a day of meeting her. The first time it happened I thought I might have found a bad apple – but when it kept happening over and over again, I began to realize that Koreans are extremely passionate about politics and voicing their opinions.

This is something that I discussed in my article about the differences between Japanese and Korean women, so if you want more of my opinions on this, do be sure to give that a read.

2. Korean women are extremely emotional

This only seems natural after what I told you about how political and opinionated they are, right? Dating a Korean woman is the ultimate test of one’s sanity. One day she’ll be the cutest and bubbliest woman you’ve ever met, and the next she’ll be refusing to get out of bed because she’s either really mad (or sad) about something.

In all my dating experience over the years, my relationships with Korean women were always the most difficult. I’m not saying that they were the most fun (because some of them were) – but I always felt like I was juggling a ticking time bomb that could go off unexpectedly at any moment.

Seriously – I had absolutely no idea what to expect on a day to day basis while dating a Korean woman. It was always a confusing and somewhat difficult venture.

3. Korean women can be extremely flaky

As beautiful and amazing as I think Korean women are, I really hate to admit that they are typically the most flaky. For example, in my experience, a Korean woman will think absolutely nothing of stringing you along in an extremely flirty way one day, and then completely ignoring you the next.

Every single Korean women that I have ever dated has flaked on me at least once. Most of them did it regularly.

For all of you guys out there interested in dating Korean women, I have some advice for you:

Be prepared for an endless string of unanswered DM‘s and or emails even after you think you’ve really hit it off with her.

Experience has taught me not to panic. She’s just being extremely flaky, and she’s not blowing you off. Just give it a little time, and she’ll be back as flirty and giggly as usual. Trust me.

4. Every Korean woman that I’ve ever met has been able to out eat me

If you’re not familiar with Korean culture, you need to know that food is an extremely big part of it. Dating a Korean woman means that will spend most of your time together eating. Sometimes it’ll just be the two of you, and other times it will be with her entire family – cousins, grandparents, siblings and all.

It’s because of this special relationship with food that Koreans are able to eat an extraordinary amount in a single sitting. That’s my theory anyway.

The most important thing you need to know is that you will be absolutely shocked by the amount of food that your tiny little Korean girlfriend can eat. I consider myself a pretty strong either myself, but I have never been able to eat as much as a Korean woman can.

5. Korean women, in general, aren’t into white guys

Again, this is my opinion only based on my own personal experiences. You see, a lot of western guys go to Asia looking for love because it’s so difficult to find at home. They hear stories of how easy it is to meet women in Asia, primarily because of how Asian women find white guys irresistible. That might be true in some areas, but it’s definitely not the norm in Korea.

Based on my experience, dating Korean women was just as difficult (if not more) than dating white women here at home in the US. Korean women are extremely superficial (just like American women) and they tend to date within their own race.

Not only that, Koreans don’t generally date as much compared to other cultures. They are usually far too busy with things like school and work, and dating is simply an afterthought for many. This is precisely why people are having less children (and the population is declining) in Korea right now.

If you’re a white guy looking to find a girlfriend in Korea, all I can say is: good luck. It’s not going to be impossible, but just know that it’s going to be a little more difficult compared to finding a girlfriend in other Asian countries. My best suggestion? Head on over to FriendsAsia and see what you can find…

A few final thoughts about dating Korean women

Let me be completely honest. I find Korean women to be (by far) the most beautiful woman on the entire planet. However, if I was single again and on the prowl, I’m not really sure how much time I would spend trying to find a Korean girlfriend.

Maybe I’ve just had bad luck or something, but every Korean woman I have ever met has strung me along in a somewhat painful and annoying stream of flakiness and confusion. Whenever I felt like I was making real progress in that it was turning into one of the best relationships I’ve ever had, she would suddenly flake out on me and force me to reset my expectations.

Being with a Korean woman is like riding a roller coaster. Sometimes you’re up, and sometimes you’re down. Either way, you’ve got a hold on really tight and not let go because will be in danger of being thrown from the ride if you can’t keep it together.

Good luck out there.

Korean Cupid homepage screenshot

KoreanCupid.com review

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By now you should know all about how much I’ve like JapanCupid.com – I met my wife there after all, so that in itself should say all there is to say about how legit of an Asian dating site it is. But there’s another one that I’ve had quite a bit of experience with in the past, and it was built by the same parent company. As a matter of fact, it’s basically the same website as JapanCupid, except that it was a place for meeting people from South Korea. That website, if you couldn’t guess the name by now, is KoreanCupid.com. Creative name, eh? At least they are consistent with their branding.

Since JapanCupid and KoreanCupid are built on the same platform by the same parent company, all of what I wrote about my JapanCupid review are applicable to KoreanCupid. The biggest difference between the two are the fact that one is Japanese based and the other Korean obviously, but it’s exactly the same experience. Therefore, I won’t list out the specific good and bad points of KoreanCupid in this review. No sense in writing it twice!

The big problem with KoreanCupid

There is one big difference that I would like to discuss, however. It’s the amount of spam, or fake accounts that I encountered during the entire duration of my subscription.

I was constantly getting notifications from beautiful Korean women who had very thin profiles (not much info), but they would never return messages. I would always wake up in the morning to see 3 or 4 new messages from women interested in connecting, but they were all young and beautiful and none of them ever responded back after I said hello. I only connected with a few real women on KoreanCupid, and they all turned into really good friendships. But it was frustrating dealing with all the fake accounts and replying to so many messages without getting a reply back.

My theory on KoreanCupid fake accounts / spam is this: there are simply a lot less woman on KoreanCupid than there are on JapanCupid, so they (the web developers and marketing team) have to keep all the guys interested by dangling carrots in front of their noses to keep them coming back. Honestly, I wouldn’t have been coming back that often had it not been for all the notifications I received, so their plan worked – for a while. I eventually got tired of the fake accounts and closed my account.

Are Korean women not attracted to western men? That was my thought initially, but the amount of Korean-American relationships I see here in southern California prove otherwise. I’m not really sure why Korean women don’t utilize this website very much. It’s bursting at the seams with white guys, so if that’s what they are looking for, there’s no better place to hang out.

My disappointing experience with KoreanCupid was way back when I was single, but I’ve still got friends who subscribe that are having the exact same experience that I did. It’s much more difficult to meet real women on KoreanCupid than JapanCupid.

You should note that it’s not a dating website worth avoiding completely, however. As I said above, I met some really great women there when I was a subscriber, so it is a valid place to mingle. But you have to be prepared to deal with the fake accounts and spam that will inevitably clog your inbox every day.

do not do this to your white boyfriend

Japanese and Korean girls: do NOT do this to your caucasian boyfriend

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Now that I’ve shared with you something that every white guy needs to avoid doing to his Asian girlfriend, it’s time to turn things around and offer some advice to the Asian ladies. As a white man who has dated his fair share of Asian women, I believe that I’m well qualified to speak on this matter. So listen up good – because I’ve got something to say.

For the most part, dating Asian woman (Japanese, Korean, Chinese, etc) has been a better fit for me than trying to make it work with caucasian women. Even though I’m whiter than white bread mass produced in Davenport Iowa, I pretty sure that I’ve got a bit of “Asian” in me that makes me gel better with the modesty of most far eastern Asian countries. I’m not the kind of aggressive and outspoken man that most American women tend to gravitate towards, so naturally, I’ve had better luck finding love in Asia.

That said, there are some common things that you Japanese and Korean women do that irritate the heck out of me and make me want to be alone for the rest of my life. I’ve got a long list of these issues, so I’m pushing my shame aside and choosing a few of the bigger ones to discuss:

  • I will not carry a man bag (or “murse” as they are sometimes called). Sorry, my “macho” American culture just won’t let me do it, and I am not trying to insult you when I tell you that it’s just not my style and that I’d rather not do it. Men in the US don’t carry purses. Sorry.
  • Don’t take things so darn personally. If I make a frown face, wrinkle my nose, and shake my head “no” when you ask me something, it does not mean that I think you made a stupid suggestion and that you’re annoying me. It’s just the American way of saying “no thank you” and it’s a really hard habit to let go of when I’m around you. Please don’t be upset with me if I forget.
  • Do not put cute stuffed animals in the back window of my car. You Japanese and Korean women know exactly what it is that I’m talking about, and I’d appreciate it very much if you stop trying to do that.

Of course I realize that there are some very big cultural differences at play between white men and Asian women, and I know that it requires patience for both when in a relationship together. All I’m saying is that the things you push on us are usually the most “un-manly” parts of your culture, and that’s a lot for a white guy to handle. Easing us into your customs is key – the relationship is unlikely to work if you force it on us all at once, so please be a bit patient as we learn the ways of being Asian.

mad asian girlfriend

White guys: do NOT do this to your Japanese or Korean girlfriend

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This one is aimed squarely at you, white guys. There are some things that we do that completely annoy Asian women (which I’ll get into in different articles), but this one tops them all. Trust me – it’s a mistake I’ve made several times, and it was after the third time that it happened that something clicked inside of my thick skull and made me realize that it is something that I should not be doing when dating Asian women.

What am I taking about? Well, this might sound kind of silly, but…sarcasm is something that white guys need to keep in check when starting a relationship with an Asian woman. At a very high level, yes, it’s ok to be funny. As a matter of fact, a bit of silliness is what many women (no matter their race, age, religious beliefs, etc) find attractive in a man. But us white guys – especially from the US, UK, and Australia, have a tendency to go too far when it comes to humor and jokes – farther than most Asian cultures are comfortable with. Our humor is more like sarcasm, which many times doesn’t translate well.

Sarcasm is a big turn off to Asian women

Making a joke of everything and being a bit sarcastic has backfired on me several times when dating women from Japan and Korea, and at first I couldn’t understand why things turned sour very suddenly after what seemed like a very good beginning to the relationship. I have the tendency to “let go” and let more of my silly personality show through the more I get to know a person, so when I first meet someone I’m as polite and cordial as can be. But then the true me starts to start showing through, the jokes come more fast and furious, and then…disaster.

There was one time (way back in 2005) that I was chatting online with a woman from Osaka Japan on a bright and early Sunday morning, and things seemed to be going as smoothly as always. I had known her for about two months at this point, and we had been getting along great as well as having a lot to talk about.

But then I made a silly joke about something she said, being a bit sarcastic, not taking care to think that she might not understand that sarcasm. Well, she took what I said the wrong way – she thought I was being serious, was offended, and ended the chat immediately without saying anything. At the time, the younger and stupider me honestly had no idea what had just happened. I thought it was just internet connectivity problems at first, but after the third day of not hearing from her, I knew something was wrong. It wasn’t until after reaching out to her that I learned that my sarcasm was taken the wrong way and she honestly thought I was insulting her. I felt terrible once I had realized what happened.

The sad thing is that I hadn’t learned from that mistake as well as I should have, and the same thing happened with several other women from Japan and Korea over the next few years. Yes, I’m a slow learner.

Don’t make the same mistake I did! Take things slow in the beginning – you can be a bit silly of course, but keep that sarcasm to a minimum if you want the relationship to grow past the first initial dates.