What are Japanese girls like? I married one, and it’s been…interesting.

By Doug •  9 min read

Back in my single days, typing “what are Japanese girls like” into a web browser would have been an exercise in futility. I’m not saying I’m old or anything, but the internet was still in its infancy back then, and it was of little use for such delicate queries. Thankfully for you, I’m older and wiser now, and I’ve got a pretty good answer to this question.

For the record, I started dating Japanese women without having any clue as to what they were really like. It was a frustrating process (both for me and them), but somehow I ended up marrying one in 2010.

I’m not tooting my own horn or anything, but I will say this: If there is any white guy on the internet that has the credentials to tell you what it’s like to be with a Japanese woman, it’s me. I’ve got the battle scars (and the marriage certificate) to be able to self-proclaim myself as an expert of this subject.

What are Japanese girls like?

The summary of what you are about to read is this: Japanese girls are a lot different than what they appear to be. This is both good and bad, which I am going to expand on now.

The bottom line is that there are pros and cons of dating a Japanese girl, and you really shouldn’t believe what you see on the outside. There’s a lot going on underneath the surface that you might not see at first.

Japanese girls are persistent as hell when it comes to relationships

One of the best (and annoying) things about my Japanese wife is how persistent she is. When she gets an idea in her head, it’s very hard for her to let it go. As a matter of fact, this was something that I learned within a month of meeting her online (via JapanCupid).

We had only been chatting online for 25(ish) days before she told me she was coming to visit me in the United States. I didn’t ask her to come, and we had never even discussed it before she announced it. This wouldn’t have seemed so odd if it hadn’t already happened to me twice before in my life:

  1. The first Japanese woman I met online (way back in 1997) announced that she was coming to the United States to visit me and several other men that she met online. She “needed to make a decision about who she wanted to marry.”
  2. The second time that it happened was way back in 2005, Another Japanese woman that I met on Japan Cupid told me (after just two weeks of knowing each other) that she purchased airline tickets to come visit me in the US.

Be prepared to move very quickly when meeting a Japanese girl for the first time. You may be surprised how fast she wants to move the relationship along.

Japanese girls are just as angry and frustrated as the rest of us

Prior to knowing any Japanese women before I started doing online dating thing, I thought that ALL Japanese women were super polite (and quite possibly the finest examples of humans on planet Earth). It wasn’t until I started to get to know them that I realized that they are just normal human beings that appear to be perfect in public.

Japanese women are frustrated

Don’t let her calm demeanor fool you. Although she looks happy and content – there could very well be a lot going on in that head of hers (and you’re about to feel the wrath of it).

For example, my wife is incredibly shy and polite in public. She’s a very typical Japanese woman in the sense that she talks very softly, can’t stop smiling, and bows incessantly when talking. You would think that she’s extremely bashful and shy the first time that you met her. And you’d be right. She is.

However, when it’s just me and her at home alone (or if she’s with her family), she’s a completely different person. She’s very easily irritated. She complains a lot. And she’s not afraid to speak her mind.

On the outside, she’s the most amazingly perfect and polite woman I have ever met in my life. But when it’s just the two of us, she’s just like any other girlfriend or roommate that I’ve ever had.

She’s human. She’s not perfect. And I hate to admit it, but she (and other Japanese women I’ve known in my life) can be the extremely outspoken to the point of being rude (just like a normal human being).

Japanese girls are racist

I can’t believe I’m about to say this but…here goes: Maybe it’s just the Japanese women that I’ve personally known, but in my opinion, they are some of the most racist / bigoted people on the planet. Their racism isn’t as fierce (or dangerous) as white supremacists are in here in the US (for example), but I’ve always felt awkward listening to them talk about Chinese and Korean people.

I’m not saying that all Japanese women are full of hate and bigotry towards Koreans and the Chinese. The point is that I’ve had to sit through enough of these tirades to understand that, in general, Japanese girls have been fed racism and bigotry from friends and family from a very early age. It’s something they’ve been taught.

My wife isn’t shy about telling me what she really thinks of China (and the people). She’s also got a lot to say about the people of Korea. It’s sort of like an amplified way of how we Americans talk about Mexicans: lots of cynicism, some confusion, and a **** ton of hatred for things that happened a long time ago.

Are you sorry that you typed “what Japanese girls are like?” into your web browser? I’m fairly certain that you weren’t expecting to learn that they are anything remotely close to “racist”.

Japanese girls are extremely loyal

Dating nowadays can be extremely frustrating. Hook-up culture is gaining traction in many parts of the world, and while that may be fun for some, it downright sucks for those trying to find a meaningful long term relationship.

Every Japanese girl I have ever been in a relationship with has been very loyal to me. Not only that, every Japanese girl I met what was already in a relationship with another man was very loyal to him.

Causal (open) relationships haven’t quite infiltrated the Japanese dating scene yet. For that reason alone, it’s one of the first places I recommend guys head to when looking for a long-term girlfriend – or a wife.

If that sounds interesting to you, make sure you study up on how to date a Japanese girl before proceeding. It’s tricky.

Japanese girls take relationships very seriously

Along the lines of what I just wrote about Japanese girls being loyal to their partners, they are also very respectful of relationships in general.

For example, a Japanese woman is highly likely to end all communication with you entirely after a breakup. Even if the breakup is amicable (and friendly), it’s not likely that she will stay in contact with you afterwards. Especially when you (or she) moves on to another relationship.

The Japanese girls I was close friends with back in my single days straight-up told me “goodbye” when I got married. They weren’t saying in a rude or condescending way. Not at all. It was always very friendly, and nothing personal. The bottom line is that they all said that they don’t talk to married men.

And they all meant it too. I have not heard from any of those women since my marriage (which was 10 years ago). They’re gone.

Japanese girls are extremely empathetic

Despite what I mentioned above about Japanese girls being slightly racist / bigoted towards Koreans and the Chinese, they are actually very empathetic towards others.

This is a trait that I’ve noticed in every Japanese female I’ve ever met. No matter what stage of life they are in, and no matter what kind of personality they have, they are always empathetic. The needs of others will usually come first, and they aren’t likely to do anything that would be considered to be overly selfish.

The best way to illustrate this point is to tell you about a Japanese girl I met a long time ago. She was struggling with a lot of negative things in her life. She got caught up in alcohol and drugs. She went from one abusive boyfriend to the next. She was surrounded by negativity and failure, yet…she was one of the nicest and most caring individuals I’ve ever known.

It was one of the weirdest combinations of lifestyle and personality that I had never seen, and it taught me a lot about Japanese culture in general.

Wrapping it all up

What exactly are Japanese girls like? They are normal human beings, just like you and I. They are typically more polite and modest on the outside, but can be just as angry and frustrated on the inside when surrounded by close family and friends.

You might even find that they are difficult to read at first. Knowing how to tell if a Japanese woman likes you is a skill that takes time to learn.

But no matter what, chances are pretty good you’ll really like any Japanese girl you meet for the first time. However, don’t be surprised when the “real” version of her comes out after a bit of time passes and she gets really comfortable with you. If you ever get to that point, it’s probably a good idea to read all about the pros and cons of marrying a Japanese woman. There’s a lot you’ll need to know before you take the relationship to the next step…


My name is Doug, and I'm an ordinary white guy living in the US. 10 years ago I married a Japanese woman that I met online, and it's been an adventure to say the least! I started AsiaGraphix.com as a way to share all the lessons I've learned about dating (and ultimately marrying) an Asian woman.

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