This is what to expect when dating a Japanese girl

By Doug •  7 min read

If you’ve never dated a Japanese girl before, there’s a lot you need to know. Luckily for you, I’ve got a lot of personal experience in this matter, and I’m going to share all of it with you now. This is what you can expect when dating a Japanese girl.

Before getting into the heart of this discussion, it’s important that I let you know my credentials. I started dating Japanese girls in roughly 2005 or so, and I married one in 2010. We are still married to this day, and it’s been one heck of a journey so far.

Long story short, dating Japanese girls is a lot different than dating western girls and I most certainly made a few mistakes along the way. Hopefully, by the time you reach the end of this article, you’ll be smart enough to avoid the same mistakes that I made…

What to expect when dating a Japanese girl (all the good stuff – and the bad)

I’ve already written about the pros and cons of dating Japanese girls. For the most part, I highly recommend it. It’s definitely a unique experience, and you’ll find it much different than dating women from Korea or anywhere else.

There’s a lot of good and bad that comes with it, so let’s break it down into digestible bits of information. The really important kind that you must need to need to know.

All the good stuff you can expect when dating a Japanese girl

All the bad stuff you can expect when dating Japanese girls

Long story short, Japanese culture and western culture mix like oil and water, and your casual way of living is likely to not jive with hers in the beginning. It’s going to take a lot of effort do not annoy the hell out of each other when you first start dating!

Dating in Japan

Dating in Japan is nothing like you’ve experienced at home…

If you want more information, I highly recommend reading my guide on what NOT to do when dating Japanese and Korean women.

All of the things that surprised me about dating Japanese girls

Prior to 2005, I have never once had a close relationship with anybody from Japan (man or woman). It wasn’t until I created an account on JapanCupid (just to try my luck) that I found how fun and easy it was to date women from a different culture other than my own.

It was most definitely a learning experience as well, and didn’t take long until I realized the following:

  1. Japanese girls don’t like super-aggressive guys. I had very little luck meeting Japanese girls online by taking a bold initiative to reach out to them and introduce myself. I quickly learned that the best tactic is to simply sit back and let them come to me.
  2. Most Japanese girls can speak English very well. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t make an effort to speak some Japanese however. Having the ability to speak just a little bit of Japanese will go a very long way to getting her to like you. Even just showing her effort is often good enough. You don’t have to become completely fluent in Japanese, but it will certainly help your chances.
  3. Unlike some women from other Asian cultures, Japanese women don’t seem as clingy and desperate to find marriage. When it comes right down to it, this may be one of the most important thing to expect when dating Japanese girls. Just because they’re talking to you doesn’t mean they’re looking for a way out of their country and into yours. Most Japanese girls, in my experience, are just looking for a friendship first. Friendship which might eventually lead to marriage…
  4. It’s easy to tell if a Japanese woman likes you. Well, compared to western woman that is. They tend to be very clear in their intentions. 

The most important thing you can expect when dating women from Japan is…

No matter how charismatic you are, she will absolutely lose interest of you if you portray yourself as a player who is just looking to get her into bed. Japanese girls have much higher respect for themselves than girls from other cultures do. It’s probably the worst place to go looking for sex if that’s what you’re into.

If you take things slow and enjoy the process, it’s likely to be a very fulfilling experience. And then, if things go really well, you can start asking yourself another question: what is it like to marry a Japanese girl?


My name is Doug, and I'm an ordinary white guy living in the US. 10 years ago I married a Japanese woman that I met online, and it's been an adventure to say the least! I started as a way to share all the lessons I've learned about dating (and ultimately marrying) an Asian woman.

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