This one is aimed squarely at you, white guys. There are some things that we do that completely annoy Asian women (which I’ll get into in different articles), but this one tops them all. Trust me – it’s a mistake I’ve made several times, and it was after the third time that it happened that something clicked inside of my thick skull and made me realize that it is something that I should not be doing when dating Asian women.
What am I taking about? Well, this might sound kind of silly, but…sarcasm is something that white guys need to keep in check when starting a relationship with an Asian woman. At a very high level, yes, it’s ok to be funny. As a matter of fact, a bit of silliness is what many women (no matter their race, age, religious beliefs, etc) find attractive in a man. But us white guys – especially from the US, UK, and Australia, have a tendency to go too far when it comes to humor and jokes – farther than most Asian cultures are comfortable with. Our humor is more like sarcasm, which many times doesn’t translate well.
Sarcasm is a big turn off to Asian women
Making a joke of everything and being a bit sarcastic has backfired on me several times when dating women from Japan and Korea, and at first I couldn’t understand why things turned sour very suddenly after what seemed like a very good beginning to the relationship. I have the tendency to “let go” and let more of my silly personality show through the more I get to know a person, so when I first meet someone I’m as polite and cordial as can be. But then the true me starts to start showing through, the jokes come more fast and furious, and then…disaster.
There was one time (way back in 2005) that I was chatting online with a woman from Osaka Japan on a bright and early Sunday morning, and things seemed to be going as smoothly as always. I had known her for about two months at this point, and we had been getting along great as well as having a lot to talk about.
But then I made a silly joke about something she said, being a bit sarcastic, not taking care to think that she might not understand that sarcasm. Well, she took what I said the wrong way – she thought I was being serious, was offended, and ended the chat immediately without saying anything. At the time, the younger and stupider me honestly had no idea what had just happened. I thought it was just internet connectivity problems at first, but after the third day of not hearing from her, I knew something was wrong. It wasn’t until after reaching out to her that I learned that my sarcasm was taken the wrong way and she honestly thought I was insulting her. I felt terrible once I had realized what happened.
The sad thing is that I hadn’t learned from that mistake as well as I should have, and the same thing happened with several other women from Japan and Korea over the next few years. Yes, I’m a slow learner.
Don’t make the same mistake I did! Take things slow in the beginning – you can be a bit silly of course, but keep that sarcasm to a minimum if you want the relationship to grow past the first initial dates.